Gary R. Smith Anja van Loon, your words feel like sound and wise counsel. In the past, you gave permission for me to include your comments in Whole Human blog posts, and these I did. Thank you for putting so much into it.
Anja van Loon My daily job to create trust about the "inner" world and giving a view over "all", so no effort at all ;)
Gary R. Smith Anja van Loon, what tools or techniques do you use to "create trust about the "inner" world and give a view over "all""? Have you taken a look at Heart Breathing? I'd love to know your honest feeling about it and whether it could be applied, even as a test, in your daily job for you and your clients.
Anja van Loon Pfff, there is no short to answering your question and writing in an other language than my own, but I will give a try. So the technics I use as a crosspointcoach, is a combination between NLP, MIR method, cognitive methods, positive psychotherapy, role playing/family setting, mask/shield awareness, letting go rituals, sometimes bodywork to relieve the muscles so the stored emotions become free.
Insights of Bruce Lipton about the epigenetic/biology of belief, etc. Out of my own experiences, or experiences of others, or everything I have read, seen and, listen to ;) Still learning myself everyday. Everybody has his own personal life path, so it depends of the person what to use, helped by my intuition and senses.
Talking about what bothers a person, their anxieties, depressed feelings and worries and wishes. Mostly the question is why aint I happy and what should I take for next step in my life. There is a lot of explaining to do "why"and how they "became" in such a state. Why they stand in life were they are, and have that kind of mindset. Living in the now is a big step, a confrontation with a present situation who is afterwards mostly not so bad as first experienced. Filtering what somebody's choices were so they became to this crosspoint fun to do. But confronting for the one I help.
To understand that everything you "feel" is become out of your own choices not something they want to hear. But that everything can be turned around except having children ;). I teach them to look in every negative experience for the positive. So together searching for the positive possibilities, in a negative situation. Awareness of their own unique capabilities and flaws. Accepting those capabilities "and" flaws. Creating a feeling about themselves as enough so they don't need the appreciation any longer from an other.
During the talks (and walks) there comes a lot of insight about the persons and his/hers experiences, who played a role in their live and created some inner voices, behavior, and the awareness that they still "listen" to those voices in their adult lives. The awareness of being spoiled in a first world country, realization about circumstances. Realization about their still using fight, fly and freeze behavior as survival skills in circumstances (country/community) were your safety is (nearly almost) guaranteed. And now namely is used in social situations as a wish to be worthy of help in times of need or to fill the hole of emptiness in themselves.
That there is no need to use your "survival skill" out of a fear to be provided in times of need (like health or old age care) if you are provided by your family, friends and government(taxes)in times of need. The wish to be worthy of this care or love is creating why you act. The wish to be worthy a wrong one is,because you are not loved because of your behavior, but "despite" you are not perfect. It more a "thing" is that is formed in your mind of how you would be worthy of love(care).
So what is love? Not more or less than a unexplained "feeling" caused by hormones to survive? Humans have a lazy nature ;) Giving awareness about that the losses, hurt and stress they have felt in the past, makes them more compassionate and understanding, so something to be feel rich under. Insight about that not everybody has the same feelings but experience them differently. So everybody "reactions" are differently. But the emotions because of, are the same.
Everybody as human has the same "emotions", but "not" the same "feelings" about things that happen in their life. That we are "only" human, no superman. It is what makes us alive. Teaching them to dare to be vulnerable or insecure, and that it is okay to be small and so called childish. That big boys do cry. It is okay to "have" and "show" your emotions. It should be not necessary to wear mask and shields to prevent you from hurting or to make you better than you are. If so you are between the wrong people, acting like they want you to, it is not weird you become in a schizophrenic state and start asking questions as who am I?
Striving to be perfect a waste of time. That nobody is the same every day, because your senses are triggered by different events and everyday has different situations, so also your senses are triggered differently creating different feelings, and so feelings create different emotions during a day. Emotions the basis are of creating thinking paths (hormones) and thinking paths the reason of decision-making. And decision-making create circumstances. So it is a circle. That is why your present circumstances are "created" by yourself. So also changeable because of another way of thinking so you experience the things that happen differently.
Anja van Loon As note on the side line - most of your decision making is done by you subconscious (90%) and your subconscious "react" many times faster than your conscious mind, so it will take some time before your subconscious is trained to "think" otherwise. (put something you daily use in an other place and see how long it takes before it is settled).
So my therapy is not a real therapy, but works like a kind of brainwash, so you start to "think" differently. A kind of peeling all the layers to become like "yourself". Before you changed your thinking and so your habits to please others or to avoid certain situations who were hurtful in the past (a big word is trauma). Knowing even twins "think" differently growing from the same genetics and mostly under the same circumstances.
Children who are adopted get the same illnesses than their adopted parents, so it is your life path and thinking about that, who create your behavior, but not who you are and "not" because of your genes. (that your thoughts can change your genes) Also knowing that "thoughts" can be transferable by cell division. The question is: are this your feelings or from your ancestors. So it is a puzzling to find out who someone really is, and what energies he/she carries around from an other, what influences their way of thinking/decision making.
Fun and interesting to do and we have also many laughs about their own behavior after the see "why" they behave like they behave and that is it okay. To help them trough the change in friends,jobs and situations because of their own personal changes. - Why I stated that meditation is not always the best to start with,was because of a lot of people are addicted to keep themselves busy, so they won't feel what they are fleeing for.
Silencing the mind and muscles, creates space to feel. That can be very impacting, because all those stored emotions are finally coming free in a big blur. Not coached well, it can be very overwhelming and feel like a dysfunction. What it is not, it is a storm and storm passes. It is a mountain to climb and afterwards to enjoy the view. It is a going through the dark with a wish to feel the relieve.Anja van Loon So like Xan said, keep breathing through it, but that is not easy if you have an emotional storm, have to purge, go to the toilet, cry, be angry, etc. to let it all out.
After that, you have created space to "really" feel, to experience, to use your senses no longer as survival skills, instead to enjoy. What living "is" without worries, using stimulants/anesthesia as alcohol, gambling, drugs, etc. Or to sedate, by smoking, eating, extreme sports, adrenaline boosts, etc.
Afterwards to mediate will be no longer as a small amount of time to "forget' it all, or to let your nerves rest. Instead you became in a state to "feel" like that all day. To dare to listen to what your senses are "telling" you, without a fear response. An over all seeing appears.(thirth eye). No longer fear of dead, no fear of not overcoming the things you fear so you will die. It can be a long way to rewire your thinking paths, but very rewarding afterwards and to meet the "real" you. Seeing that the love for is the reason why humans act, and the reason behind fear. (love for themselves, their loved ones, community, country or freedom)
The energy which is spread, the reason of choices and so opportunities and so decisions who influences us "all". A "feeling" of feeling blessed creates the wish to help others, so they will feel like that too. (Become Buddha and help others to become Buddha) To think about the how and why all out of an inner rest/peace and energetic state, out of our personal state of awareness and without the wish to be perfect and an humanistic eye blink ;)
Anja van Loon Inner Peace creates world peace, so my humble contribution to a situation within we are "all" able to "feel" happy, safe an secured.
Xan Maranya Anja... So. What do you say about the mistrust and underlying fear so prevalent in our human egoist world? They don't just disappear because you wish they would.
Anja van Loon Hi Xan , I think you speak about the trust in others, I have spoken about the trust in yourself and a total of outcome.
I've learned that fear limits you and your vision. It serves as blinders to what may be just a few steps down the road. Believing in your own talents, and your abilities, which create a self-worth what empowers your walk down an even brighter path. People will see the world like they are.
Seen what is happening in the USA after nearly 400 years (what is a lot sooner than in Europe) gives the result that "fleeing" to the other side of the world did not worked very well after leaving the area around the middle sea, fleeing for the Romans and pressure of beliefsytems, did it? So I trust in humanity, that more and more will finally see, what does work for "all" of us.
Daily looking far behind the borders of my country ( the Netherlands so easy to reach, hahaha) at many facebookpages from "all" over the world, shows a wave of awareness about what does. So I am very exited to see that violence is becoming less. Greediness is becoming less, world hunger is becoming less, discrimination is becoming less, women's rights are fighted in the east, etc. ( I really love facebook and the effort of so many who take the time to inform us, what the news and media are not telling or hiding from us, because of an old fear based system, because it "sells" advertising? )
Because it influences our fear about not fitting in otherwise, and our awareness about your own contribution to an not very well working fear based system. I am very pleased by so many people all over the world who are able to "connect" now. The overall wish to be yourself like a unicorn. To feel no longer as an alien among the ones I love. ;)
Gary R. Smith Anja van Loon, do you have any thoughts on the Heart Breathing method? Are you willing to critique it for me?
Anja van Loon The same as many other methods a "compensation" technique so you will "feel" better. To calm your nerves. I am more for a longer term solution so to change the mindset so your heartbeath will no longer get influenced by circumstances. To change your mind paths so you no longer become in a state you "need" a technic to compensate or overcome your state of emotions.
The reason your heart start to breathe faster is for a reason. There is difference to make between other influences or inner. Of your senses become triggered from the outside, the mind is the one who transform those impulses into a state of mind or emotion so you will survive. So your brain, still feels those impulses, but no longer transforms those experienced feelings, into a fight, freeze or flee state.
Circumstances trigger your senses, if they are not in peace with who you are and what you think you need to have to survive, they will be triggered. If your emotions become triggered because of an empathic capability, you are able to recognize those feelings. Like sended energy is sensed sometimes as an unexplained feeling, but still triggering your fight, flee or freeze responses. They are not yours, but trigger feelings in your cells from past experiences you had yourself. Or out of your senses who transform this info in a state of mind (unaware state so hormones are produced and create emotions) needed to survive.
As example like displayed angriness of an other, are they not out of an reaction out of your actions, you don't have to something with that. And so those sended feelings no longer create emotions, because it no longer trigger your state of mind, to become in a state of alarm. That is why I said, inner peace leads to world peace. If you are at peace with who you are, and what you have, (food and shelter so you will survive) there is nobody and nothing which can change your state of mind.
It also depends of how many senses are triggered, to withstand those impulses. An "created" low heart time, will let you "feel" better but will no help to suppress your instincts. Your heart "needs' to bounce faster, in times of need, so you become in a state so you can run fast, your muscles have enough oxygen run harder, your brains so they can think faster to see opportunities so you can escape. etc. Or because of arousal, the last one is also a survival skill ;)so you will present yourself at is best.
We are still animal like and this fact is proven daily by your senses and so your hormones, who influences your emotions, and so your decision making/choices. (Only religions try to let us "think" otherwise.) So there is a lot of "unaware" choice making, going on. (otherwise you will become very tired if you have to "think" aware to send and transform all those signals, so you will breathe anyway ;) to create hormones, etc.
But explains also the tiredness and weight loss, if people try to change their habits, because it needs a lot of energy, until your new way(in fact old way of thinking) is settled in your subconscious, so a lot has to conscious transformed with your 10% conscious mind parts, until it is settles) A rapid heartbeat has an function, in circumstances in which you are not sure or super wanting an good outcome. To change your mindset, so you no longer "need" or care about an "good" outcome, your heartbeat will be low out of itself. Until that, maybe a good technique to "feel" better, the same as singing, listening to music, etc. but is still a short time solution.
Gary R. Smith Anja van Loon - How can the effectiveness of a longer term solution be measured?
Anja van Loon If you know, you know. If you feel, you feel ;)
Anja van Loon Too simple? If you are able to feel in rest like during meditation or yoga. Your muscles are not tense. Dare to act like nobody is watching. Have no longer the need to freeze, flee or fight in any situation. To no longer want or see the need to weary social mask or shields.
Feel at peace "in" yourself, with yourself and circumstances. Have no longer the need to compensate your feelings. To sedate with alcohol, smoking, drugs, etc. Gambling, extreme sex or other exercising, etc. ( to produce hormones) to "feel" well, free or at peace. If your circumstances no longer influence your "state of being" and so your emotional state. A deep settled feeling of trust / feeling it will all be okay whatever happens. You are health and able to enjoy life like it is. And last but not least with a twist ;)
Gary R. Smith We are in agreement: "I am more for a longer term solution so to change the mindset so your heart breath will no longer get influenced by circumstances. To change your mind paths so you no longer become in a state you "need" a technique to compensate or overcome your state of emotions."
However, I do not understand your conclusion that Heart Breathing is "The same as many other methods a 'compensation' technique so you will 'feel' better."
Have your tried Heart Breathing? Have you read the 'How to' so you know what it is about?
All the tools you mentioned had a beginning. I am interested in evolving Heart Breathing into a practice that is the most useful possible. Certainly it has worked well for me in all areas you cite as evidence of the effectiveness of a longer term solution.
Wikipedia says, "Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) is an approach to communication, personal development, and psychotherapy created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in California, United States in the 1970s.... NLP has since been overwhelmingly discredited scientifically, but continues to be marketed by some hypnotherapists and by some companies that organize seminars and workshops on management training for businesses. There is no scientific evidence supporting the claims made by NLP advocates and it has been discredited as a pseudoscience by experts."
It is curious to me, then, why you advocate for NLP and will not give Heart Breathing a fair chance.
Anja van Loon I don't support one of the mentioned techniques as a "full" technic, I only use some aspects from it, to make some mind paths clear, so they are able to become aware of those mind paths and able to change that.
Xan Maranya Heart Breathing is one of the gateways into awareness of our essence of being.
Gary R. Smith Anja and Xan, Thank you both for participating in this thread.
My interest in evolving Heart Breathing is, so far as I know, service-oriented and not ego-driven.
H.B. is non-commercialized and I do not seek acknowledgment (for the most part). If I start to defend it, I soon let go and trust. I developed it first for my own practice, which process has become a testing lab.
At this stage of its development, Heart Breathing has eight components:
Self Inquiry for Deepening Awareness Conscious Breathing Toning to Be the Sound Vibration Applying Key Phrases Over the Day Expanding Perception (e.g., Inter-species Communication) Integrating the Body with Movement Quality of Daily Actions Writing and Sharing
For me, the measure of its effectiveness is the sense of Equanimity and Equilibrium in my life. Fortunately, I have a partner (since 2000) who can read me like a book and doesn't mince words to tell me when I am deluding myself. She has also told me recently how much she has seen me change — so I know my measurement is not only subjective.
If either of you or anyone else reading feels drawn to take a deeper look at Heart Breathing, I will value your comments to make it more universally useful.
Xan Maranya Gary, for me Heart Breathing is just that.... Bringing attention down away from the head and focusing in breathing in the heart center and relaxing into this. I find that simple ways work best.
Gary R. Smith Xan Maranya, do you remember when I first started writing about Heart Space Breathing and Heart Breathing? It did begin with conscious breathing, combined with toning long A and long O and using key phrases. Of course, you can take a term I coined and make your own interpretation. But even if I don't need acknowledgment, I feel it confuses readers when you apply your interpretation to something which is already clearly defined and is far more than your description. Thank you.
Xan Maranya I'm sorry, Gary. I didn't mean to offend you.
Gary R. Smith I was not offended, but on the verge of being annoyed. If I was either, Xan Maranya, what would that be? My ego. I choose to 'live timeless' and easily let go of offense or annoyance. I still struggle, however, with wondering why you and Anja van Loon are not more supportive. You can have your opinions, of course, we all do at times. In a public thread it would seem more in alignment with our claims to be of service and without ego to support one another. Pointing out fallacies can also be supportive, and I welcome 'constructive' critical comments.
Xan Maranya I'm sure you put a lot of consideration and time into your offering, Gary. I think the best support you can have is when people make use of it and grow in awareness and compassion... and if there are fallacies you will catch yourself and keep improving. Blessings
In the timeless, Everything is one in consciousness. In the temporal, the illusion of separation seems real. In a dance of balance, human wholeness begins.