ELEMENT NUMBER DIVINATION GAME
CONNECTION AND COMMUNICATION WITH THE INNER COMPASS 🧭
A revolutionary tool to assist in whole human evolution is emerging.
Disguised as a solitary game of dice, ENDgame™ can deepen one's feeling
of connection and communication with the inner compass (called
by many names including Eternal Flame and the Source I Am).
Raw material has been gathered, and now is a time for
experiencing and refining the game. Feedback is appreciated.
CONNECTION AND COMMUNICATION WITH THE INNER COMPASS 🧭
A revolutionary tool to assist in whole human evolution is emerging.
Disguised as a solitary game of dice, ENDgame™ can deepen one's feeling
of connection and communication with the inner compass (called
by many names including Eternal Flame and the Source I Am).
Raw material has been gathered, and now is a time for
experiencing and refining the game. Feedback is appreciated.
ENDGAME ONE - INTRODUCTION
TWO - CONTENTS
THREE - ACTIVE INFORMATION
FOUR - PERFECT HUMAN
FIVE - GUIDELINES
SIX - CHAKRAS
SEVEN - COLORS
EIGHT - ELEMENTS
NINE - NUMBERS
TEN - ETERNAL FLAME
ELEVEN - BORN DIVERGENT
TWELVE - SUMMARY
TWO - CONTENTS
THREE - ACTIVE INFORMATION
FOUR - PERFECT HUMAN
FIVE - GUIDELINES
SIX - CHAKRAS
SEVEN - COLORS
EIGHT - ELEMENTS
NINE - NUMBERS
TEN - ETERNAL FLAME
ELEVEN - BORN DIVERGENT
TWELVE - SUMMARY
ENDgame™
011 BORN DIVERGENT
March 3, 2023
No advice is given herein.
The revision date is the version number.
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
BORN DIVERGENT
by Gary R. Smith
February 6, 2023
Two men stood side-by-side in a hospital maternity ward of the early fifties. One of the new arrivals screamed constantly, drowning out all the others. The man wearing a priest's collar commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one’.
The second man was speechless as he realized, 'That's my son!'
And so the story of the divergent began.
Decades later, dad responded to my letter asking him about memories of anything unusual regarding my birth and infancy.
I was searching for answers that would explain my frustration and rage felt around certain noise or scenes.
The flashback into memories of spanking his baby boy, who was screaming for no apparent reason, wasn’t easy for him.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that it was an educational duty of a responsible parent to discipline their misbehaving child. Feeling his regret within his answer just increased my love for him. Forgiving his parental approach came naturally, as little was commonly known about the autism spectrum disorder at that time.
Today the caregiver of an infant can recognize random and prolonged screaming of the baby as a first sign for ASD. It is the natural way for the infant to communicate dissatisfaction about too many sensory disturbances within the environment.
The reactions of those around early childhood neurodivergence can grow into a painful life for the person. A mindful approach fosters mental wellbeing, decreases anxiety and behavioral dysregulations.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!' There were many such incidents in our long-enduring family.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider.
I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world. Looking back, it seems somewhat like living in a glass house.
With the pandemic lockdown in 2020, my marriage became a place of huge misunderstandings and frustration. My wife exhibited strong resistance and anger towards me. She frequently called me out, about my double standards and rigid, righteous, and seemingly self-centered behaviors. She would blow like a storm that had collected force over the last 20 years towards me. I did not fully recognize those traits in myself, and had no idea why she felt so unhappy.
We talked about separation, but the bond and love in our hearts pulled us through again and again.
Her many tears expressed the pain of feeling not connected on a human level with me. Often I felt tired and overwhelmed by her emotional and complex communication approach.
My facial blandness and monotonous voice were interpreted by her as being not interested. And my friendly gestures were judged as operating from a rulebook or working down a manual. I could only occasionally detect a wooden feeling in myself. Sometimes when she vocalized directly her frustration, I felt overwhelmed and went into rage-filled outbursts or else it seemed my brain just shut down and I withdrew.
We both felt wounded and stagnant with each other. In the end her innate characteristic of 'wanting to know' guided her to research more about Asperger’s syndrome.
It took us two years to find common ground, to understand our different brains and to accept the healing journey we both needed to undergo.
Implementing new behavior patterns feels sometimes like running a marathon but it is worthwhile. The brick wall we both had built between us is now taken down by the vulnerable and intimate trust we share.
I can see that even conversations beyond my natural interests are satisfying, because it is a way of validating my partner. Being present and giving space when we talk is essential and grows more authentic in me.
In case I can’t understand what she is expressing, I ask how she is meaning it without my underlying social anxiety being triggered. Total transparency no longer means a loss of control but rather enriches the experience with each other. The automated frustration triggers in me are now more defused by compassion.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine. The severity of the autism he suffered brought much impairment and therefore restrictive and debilitating behavioral symptoms for his life. At any given time two adults were needed to secure the situation. His forceful and frequently occurring outbursts could mean injuries for all involved. Often his head would go through the glass of windows or walls.
But that tormented young man must have felt something towards me beyond his behaviors.
One day I was helping him mow the lawn but he kept releasing the safety handle bar. The mower would stop, and he'd look at me. We both had our hands on the safety handle, so were standing close. He'd given concussions to caregivers by butting heads, and we were cautious. Finally he turned and started hugging me. My wife was watching from the doorway and felt alarmed, but paused in herself. By intuition I stood calm and motionless and allowed him to embrace me in a long hug. After that his super destructive outbursts halved in number, according to the reports we were required to file. Deep down, an unseen light of source is emitted that unites all life.
In general, I didn’t stay too long in work arrangements. They were mostly together with my partner, and we called our jobs life assignments. It seemed we were often placed where major changes were about to happen in the workplace. With enthusiasm, I focused sometimes on creating my own income-streaming endeavors. I succeeded in the immediate, but with dysregulation from Asperger’s and Misophonia, and a built-in humanitarian approach in which consistent profit-making felt contradictory, long-lasting success was hindered. These constellations brought many different experiences and relocations into my life. Change for new experiences became my routine.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. Most social rules didn’t make sense to my Asperger's brain, and I couldn’t understand what was called common sense. I obsessed around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions, and his behaviors towards his fellow man. On a family outing, when Dad (as driver) hit a rabbit, I wanted him to go back to help it. When he didn't, in rage I called him a murderer. When he gave me a book which in its story described a snake-hater deliberately running over a pregnant snake moving across the road, I built an alter to burn the book so deep was my disgust with that behavior of humankind.
My inner pain came out in many so-called asocial ways. A paper I wrote in eighth grade school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the Idaho wilderness at age fifteen. In the three months of solitude in nature, isolated from humanity, I should learn to appreciate what society has to offer. What a therapy for someone like me who enjoyed to be by himself, especially in the wild! Thirty-three years after that summer, I returned to the same magnificent river wilderness with my wife to revisit the experience. Afterwards, I wrote a short story ‘Return to the River of No Return.'
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent-camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Nine years later my four years younger brother Marc died in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver in Denver. We were close, and simpático. While the family gathered and comforted each other with social words entangled in grief and sorrow, I walked out. I needed to be alone. I needed space to understand the pain I felt.
My younger brother was very dear to my heart and losing him was like losing a part of me. Around him I always felt accepted and understood. He was my soul brother. With him I could share my deep spiritual thoughts, and felt at home.
At his funeral, I turned lifeless and all the accumulated pain from peer rejection and loneliness amongst the family ripped into one big endless bleeding wound. I'd become in significant ways a loner living in my own world of thought.
Often people misinterpret and judge my appearance in body language of rigid sameness as missing empathy or interest, when in truth I feel tremendously but lack emotional connection in my brain to express it.
Following Mark's death, I made several significant life changes which coincided with some serious soul searching. In the end I realized how my belief systems had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country from East to West in 2000, and starting to remake my life.
In the Pacific Northwest, I met my life partner and the destiny of a higher plan unfolded. Kati also had followed the calling of her soul, and traveled to the States from Europe. We coincidentally arrived in Ashland, Oregon at the same time.
Although in some ways we were totally foreign to each other, an unspoken familiarity merged our lives together. We adventured the inner landscape of our mystical nature. From the soul perspective we are alike. Amusingly, in the mundane we seemed to become adversaries fighting, unbeknownst for the same cause. The inexplicable mismatch in communication brought unwanted hurt to us both.
My wife is a highly sensitive person (also called HSP) and very attuned to subtle energies. She senses my mood before I become conscious of it. Her need for vulnerable transparency in our relationship challenged the loner in me.
For many years I was argumentative that emotions are overrated and unintelligent. She felt upset about my logical approach yet didn’t have words that conveyed to me the complexity of her insights. She just knew that I was not seeing the whole.
A friend once commented that we are together for spiritual work. Today we both agree that spiritual is just another word for wholeness. Living whole means living authentically, and human emotions in a regulated way are part of it.
Living secluded and exposed to the potent elemental forces of the Azores has helped lift the veiled embodied dysfunctions. One supportive part within my Asperger’s brain is the loyalty to realizations. Once I have seen it, I can’t unsee it. Releasing exhausting, reactive patterns allows self-regulation and a rhythm of life that is original to me.
Step-by-step yielding to the Being within and listening to the voice of intuition enriches my life in kind and gentle ways. In retrospect I see that the journey of life was always and still is my true calling.
Being born divergent is a powerful catalyst for my growth into a compassionate whole human.
011 BORN DIVERGENT
March 3, 2023
No advice is given herein.
The revision date is the version number.
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
BORN DIVERGENT
by Gary R. Smith
February 6, 2023
Two men stood side-by-side in a hospital maternity ward of the early fifties. One of the new arrivals screamed constantly, drowning out all the others. The man wearing a priest's collar commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one’.
The second man was speechless as he realized, 'That's my son!'
And so the story of the divergent began.
Decades later, dad responded to my letter asking him about memories of anything unusual regarding my birth and infancy.
I was searching for answers that would explain my frustration and rage felt around certain noise or scenes.
The flashback into memories of spanking his baby boy, who was screaming for no apparent reason, wasn’t easy for him.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that it was an educational duty of a responsible parent to discipline their misbehaving child. Feeling his regret within his answer just increased my love for him. Forgiving his parental approach came naturally, as little was commonly known about the autism spectrum disorder at that time.
Today the caregiver of an infant can recognize random and prolonged screaming of the baby as a first sign for ASD. It is the natural way for the infant to communicate dissatisfaction about too many sensory disturbances within the environment.
The reactions of those around early childhood neurodivergence can grow into a painful life for the person. A mindful approach fosters mental wellbeing, decreases anxiety and behavioral dysregulations.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!' There were many such incidents in our long-enduring family.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider.
I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world. Looking back, it seems somewhat like living in a glass house.
With the pandemic lockdown in 2020, my marriage became a place of huge misunderstandings and frustration. My wife exhibited strong resistance and anger towards me. She frequently called me out, about my double standards and rigid, righteous, and seemingly self-centered behaviors. She would blow like a storm that had collected force over the last 20 years towards me. I did not fully recognize those traits in myself, and had no idea why she felt so unhappy.
We talked about separation, but the bond and love in our hearts pulled us through again and again.
Her many tears expressed the pain of feeling not connected on a human level with me. Often I felt tired and overwhelmed by her emotional and complex communication approach.
My facial blandness and monotonous voice were interpreted by her as being not interested. And my friendly gestures were judged as operating from a rulebook or working down a manual. I could only occasionally detect a wooden feeling in myself. Sometimes when she vocalized directly her frustration, I felt overwhelmed and went into rage-filled outbursts or else it seemed my brain just shut down and I withdrew.
We both felt wounded and stagnant with each other. In the end her innate characteristic of 'wanting to know' guided her to research more about Asperger’s syndrome.
It took us two years to find common ground, to understand our different brains and to accept the healing journey we both needed to undergo.
Implementing new behavior patterns feels sometimes like running a marathon but it is worthwhile. The brick wall we both had built between us is now taken down by the vulnerable and intimate trust we share.
I can see that even conversations beyond my natural interests are satisfying, because it is a way of validating my partner. Being present and giving space when we talk is essential and grows more authentic in me.
In case I can’t understand what she is expressing, I ask how she is meaning it without my underlying social anxiety being triggered. Total transparency no longer means a loss of control but rather enriches the experience with each other. The automated frustration triggers in me are now more defused by compassion.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine. The severity of the autism he suffered brought much impairment and therefore restrictive and debilitating behavioral symptoms for his life. At any given time two adults were needed to secure the situation. His forceful and frequently occurring outbursts could mean injuries for all involved. Often his head would go through the glass of windows or walls.
But that tormented young man must have felt something towards me beyond his behaviors.
One day I was helping him mow the lawn but he kept releasing the safety handle bar. The mower would stop, and he'd look at me. We both had our hands on the safety handle, so were standing close. He'd given concussions to caregivers by butting heads, and we were cautious. Finally he turned and started hugging me. My wife was watching from the doorway and felt alarmed, but paused in herself. By intuition I stood calm and motionless and allowed him to embrace me in a long hug. After that his super destructive outbursts halved in number, according to the reports we were required to file. Deep down, an unseen light of source is emitted that unites all life.
In general, I didn’t stay too long in work arrangements. They were mostly together with my partner, and we called our jobs life assignments. It seemed we were often placed where major changes were about to happen in the workplace. With enthusiasm, I focused sometimes on creating my own income-streaming endeavors. I succeeded in the immediate, but with dysregulation from Asperger’s and Misophonia, and a built-in humanitarian approach in which consistent profit-making felt contradictory, long-lasting success was hindered. These constellations brought many different experiences and relocations into my life. Change for new experiences became my routine.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. Most social rules didn’t make sense to my Asperger's brain, and I couldn’t understand what was called common sense. I obsessed around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions, and his behaviors towards his fellow man. On a family outing, when Dad (as driver) hit a rabbit, I wanted him to go back to help it. When he didn't, in rage I called him a murderer. When he gave me a book which in its story described a snake-hater deliberately running over a pregnant snake moving across the road, I built an alter to burn the book so deep was my disgust with that behavior of humankind.
My inner pain came out in many so-called asocial ways. A paper I wrote in eighth grade school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the Idaho wilderness at age fifteen. In the three months of solitude in nature, isolated from humanity, I should learn to appreciate what society has to offer. What a therapy for someone like me who enjoyed to be by himself, especially in the wild! Thirty-three years after that summer, I returned to the same magnificent river wilderness with my wife to revisit the experience. Afterwards, I wrote a short story ‘Return to the River of No Return.'
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent-camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Nine years later my four years younger brother Marc died in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver in Denver. We were close, and simpático. While the family gathered and comforted each other with social words entangled in grief and sorrow, I walked out. I needed to be alone. I needed space to understand the pain I felt.
My younger brother was very dear to my heart and losing him was like losing a part of me. Around him I always felt accepted and understood. He was my soul brother. With him I could share my deep spiritual thoughts, and felt at home.
At his funeral, I turned lifeless and all the accumulated pain from peer rejection and loneliness amongst the family ripped into one big endless bleeding wound. I'd become in significant ways a loner living in my own world of thought.
Often people misinterpret and judge my appearance in body language of rigid sameness as missing empathy or interest, when in truth I feel tremendously but lack emotional connection in my brain to express it.
Following Mark's death, I made several significant life changes which coincided with some serious soul searching. In the end I realized how my belief systems had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country from East to West in 2000, and starting to remake my life.
In the Pacific Northwest, I met my life partner and the destiny of a higher plan unfolded. Kati also had followed the calling of her soul, and traveled to the States from Europe. We coincidentally arrived in Ashland, Oregon at the same time.
Although in some ways we were totally foreign to each other, an unspoken familiarity merged our lives together. We adventured the inner landscape of our mystical nature. From the soul perspective we are alike. Amusingly, in the mundane we seemed to become adversaries fighting, unbeknownst for the same cause. The inexplicable mismatch in communication brought unwanted hurt to us both.
My wife is a highly sensitive person (also called HSP) and very attuned to subtle energies. She senses my mood before I become conscious of it. Her need for vulnerable transparency in our relationship challenged the loner in me.
For many years I was argumentative that emotions are overrated and unintelligent. She felt upset about my logical approach yet didn’t have words that conveyed to me the complexity of her insights. She just knew that I was not seeing the whole.
A friend once commented that we are together for spiritual work. Today we both agree that spiritual is just another word for wholeness. Living whole means living authentically, and human emotions in a regulated way are part of it.
Living secluded and exposed to the potent elemental forces of the Azores has helped lift the veiled embodied dysfunctions. One supportive part within my Asperger’s brain is the loyalty to realizations. Once I have seen it, I can’t unsee it. Releasing exhausting, reactive patterns allows self-regulation and a rhythm of life that is original to me.
Step-by-step yielding to the Being within and listening to the voice of intuition enriches my life in kind and gentle ways. In retrospect I see that the journey of life was always and still is my true calling.
Being born divergent is a powerful catalyst for my growth into a compassionate whole human.
January 31, 2023
No advice is given herein.
Copyright ©️ Gary R. Smith
BORN DIVERGENT
Neurological anomalies set me apart, even as a baby screaming above all others in the maternity ward. A man standing next to my father commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one.'
Dad thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this in response to my letter asking if he had memories of anything unusual about my birth, to help me understand the 'highly sensitive hearing' which was so harshly impacting my life and those around me.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that spanking their misbehaving child was an educational duty of a responsible parent. The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines. While writing this, I learned that people born with Asperger's syndrome commonly screamed as infants.
Recent studies confirm that misophonic brains are triggered to dysregulation by intense associations with past recollections of traumatic encounters. So it seems possible that a screaming newborn with Asperger's could develop misophonia from being traumatized by being spanked as a baby.
Only years later did society have words for what I experienced. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard of misophonia, a term meaning hatred of sounds. It's actually an automatic revulsive reaction to selective sounds, much deeper than hearing sensitivity, which affects about 20% of the population to some degree. Mine has been extreme, and triggers include visual as well as audio stimuli.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!' There were many such incidents in our long-enduring family.
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Thereafter, every nine years there was either a death in the family or another major trauma, six in total to date.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. It centered around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions, and his behaviors towards his fellow man. On a family outing, when Dad as driver hit a rabbit, I wanted him to go back to help it. When he didn't, I called him a murderer. My inner pain came out in many asocial ways. A paper I wrote in eighth grade school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the wilderness at age fifteen, as intended therapy. That story is written as 'River of No Return.'
Emotions continued to rage in me, but were becoming more buried as I explored eastern religions and metaphysics. My seeking to understand the 'hearing sensitivity' (because that was all I could put into words), and other abnormalities, continued. Well into my forties I was still trying to connect the dots and make sense of my life.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world though not always by choice. Much later I learned that living in their own world is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One. For most of my life very little was known or discussed about misophonia, Asperger's or mental health in a holistic way.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine with much more acute autism than me. Professionally, it's differentiated as high and low functioning ASD. Years after that, we were houseparents to at-risk teenaged boys in the Bay area for an organization of therapists and psychiatrists. One of the boys had Asperger's but it was even later that I recognized traits in common and years more before accepting the limitations of my misophonia and Asperger's brain. It's better than not understanding why I am as I am.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through, and the picture became clearer. I could now understand why, even with a deep desire to belong, I'd become in significant ways a loner. Personal loss also marked my journey, intertwined with the Asperger's own world, unique ways of interpreting experiences, and stages of whole human evolution.
During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country in 2000, and starting to remake my life.
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I began traveling — first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho (where as a fifteen year old I was exiled to hike the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.) From there we accepted life assignments in many places.
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships. However, it is balanced by my ever-expanding self-awareness, deepened acceptance of what is, and dedicated application of the tools I've developed.
For example, my life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. Seeing the limitations of my neurology gives me a choice to face and deal with them more openly, honestly and consciously.
My brain processes some things fast and some slow, especially with regard to our neurodivergent relationship. It's been a slow process of gaining understanding, acceptance and integration about our situation — hers, mine and ours. The characteristics of Asperger's and misophonia appear prominently in our interactions.
I have to let go of approaching this mentally and remind myself, when her words feel against me, that it's not her but her pain talking — and verbalizing is one of her ways of healing. This doesn't excuse my behaviors or make me less accountable.
My own deeply felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am, whilst in the body, is my greatest strength. The neuro-me, the way I meet the world, adjusts itself to maintain harmony.
The aphorism of the ancient Greeks of 'Know Thyself' can be taken further, to find and feel the center of being within and maintain it as a constant sun in the midst of all trials and tests.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experiences motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Some spiritual or esoteric teachers are particularly articulate and do convey beneficial information or helpful pointers. But it always goes only so far, and eventually the usefulness fades. Any steps which carry me forward on my journey are a result of dynamic interactions between external stimuli and my internal processing. So I'm coming more into the simplicity of trusting the inner compass to return me to the Present Moment and a Peaceful Mind.
Put another way, my current maxim is 'Embody Peace.' This means that when triggered, and what apparently is outside me cannot be changed, I work on adjusting myself by such things as inner surrender and letting go of control or needing it to be a certain way. It's an ongoing process which evolves with me.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
Creating prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Everything the reader reads now is expanded upon in more depth on the Whole Human website.
In my writing, higher and lower are meant not in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with the ground of Being, and lower is more separated from the Source I am. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is apparently so. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
Amidst all the darkness of the world, there are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those, are decentralized blockchain technologies with a promise of self-governance. When community members (such as of the Cardano ecosystem) are committed to their own inner work, self-governance can be more harmonious.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace. For this, there are tools such as the mantra/invocation I wrote. 'Eternal Flame' is read to me each morning by Voice Dream Reader, a natural voice synthesizer App (enabling me or anyone else to revise the text as needed) while the candlelight of this daily meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am. It's not a fast fix, but a deep process which can see steady progress while building muscles of tolerance, resilience, and adaptability.
Another tool is ENDgame™, disguised as a solitary game of dice — which I'm developing for experiencing constant felt connection with the inner compass 🧭 that guides from a more complete perspective. There are no rules or instructions, only tools, guidelines and suggestions to start, as it's meant for each player to follow their own inner voice and for the game to evolve.
E.N.D. stands for Elemental Number Divination — and ENDgame™ works with the symbolic language of the elements, chakras and numbers (and their correspondences) in a way designed to bring balance, harmony, stability, and communion with the eternal flame, the Source I am. Each player can substitute with their own preferred words. For more about this, visit the Whole Human website:
WHOLE HUMAN WEBSITE
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/
No advice is given herein.
Copyright ©️ Gary R. Smith
BORN DIVERGENT
Neurological anomalies set me apart, even as a baby screaming above all others in the maternity ward. A man standing next to my father commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one.'
Dad thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this in response to my letter asking if he had memories of anything unusual about my birth, to help me understand the 'highly sensitive hearing' which was so harshly impacting my life and those around me.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that spanking their misbehaving child was an educational duty of a responsible parent. The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines. While writing this, I learned that people born with Asperger's syndrome commonly screamed as infants.
Recent studies confirm that misophonic brains are triggered to dysregulation by intense associations with past recollections of traumatic encounters. So it seems possible that a screaming newborn with Asperger's could develop misophonia from being traumatized by being spanked as a baby.
Only years later did society have words for what I experienced. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard of misophonia, a term meaning hatred of sounds. It's actually an automatic revulsive reaction to selective sounds, much deeper than hearing sensitivity, which affects about 20% of the population to some degree. Mine has been extreme, and triggers include visual as well as audio stimuli.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!' There were many such incidents in our long-enduring family.
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Thereafter, every nine years there was either a death in the family or another major trauma, six in total to date.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. It centered around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions, and his behaviors towards his fellow man. On a family outing, when Dad as driver hit a rabbit, I wanted him to go back to help it. When he didn't, I called him a murderer. My inner pain came out in many asocial ways. A paper I wrote in eighth grade school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the wilderness at age fifteen, as intended therapy. That story is written as 'River of No Return.'
Emotions continued to rage in me, but were becoming more buried as I explored eastern religions and metaphysics. My seeking to understand the 'hearing sensitivity' (because that was all I could put into words), and other abnormalities, continued. Well into my forties I was still trying to connect the dots and make sense of my life.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world though not always by choice. Much later I learned that living in their own world is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One. For most of my life very little was known or discussed about misophonia, Asperger's or mental health in a holistic way.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine with much more acute autism than me. Professionally, it's differentiated as high and low functioning ASD. Years after that, we were houseparents to at-risk teenaged boys in the Bay area for an organization of therapists and psychiatrists. One of the boys had Asperger's but it was even later that I recognized traits in common and years more before accepting the limitations of my misophonia and Asperger's brain. It's better than not understanding why I am as I am.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through, and the picture became clearer. I could now understand why, even with a deep desire to belong, I'd become in significant ways a loner. Personal loss also marked my journey, intertwined with the Asperger's own world, unique ways of interpreting experiences, and stages of whole human evolution.
During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country in 2000, and starting to remake my life.
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I began traveling — first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho (where as a fifteen year old I was exiled to hike the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.) From there we accepted life assignments in many places.
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships. However, it is balanced by my ever-expanding self-awareness, deepened acceptance of what is, and dedicated application of the tools I've developed.
For example, my life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. Seeing the limitations of my neurology gives me a choice to face and deal with them more openly, honestly and consciously.
My brain processes some things fast and some slow, especially with regard to our neurodivergent relationship. It's been a slow process of gaining understanding, acceptance and integration about our situation — hers, mine and ours. The characteristics of Asperger's and misophonia appear prominently in our interactions.
I have to let go of approaching this mentally and remind myself, when her words feel against me, that it's not her but her pain talking — and verbalizing is one of her ways of healing. This doesn't excuse my behaviors or make me less accountable.
My own deeply felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am, whilst in the body, is my greatest strength. The neuro-me, the way I meet the world, adjusts itself to maintain harmony.
The aphorism of the ancient Greeks of 'Know Thyself' can be taken further, to find and feel the center of being within and maintain it as a constant sun in the midst of all trials and tests.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experiences motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Some spiritual or esoteric teachers are particularly articulate and do convey beneficial information or helpful pointers. But it always goes only so far, and eventually the usefulness fades. Any steps which carry me forward on my journey are a result of dynamic interactions between external stimuli and my internal processing. So I'm coming more into the simplicity of trusting the inner compass to return me to the Present Moment and a Peaceful Mind.
Put another way, my current maxim is 'Embody Peace.' This means that when triggered, and what apparently is outside me cannot be changed, I work on adjusting myself by such things as inner surrender and letting go of control or needing it to be a certain way. It's an ongoing process which evolves with me.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
Creating prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Everything the reader reads now is expanded upon in more depth on the Whole Human website.
In my writing, higher and lower are meant not in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with the ground of Being, and lower is more separated from the Source I am. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is apparently so. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
Amidst all the darkness of the world, there are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those, are decentralized blockchain technologies with a promise of self-governance. When community members (such as of the Cardano ecosystem) are committed to their own inner work, self-governance can be more harmonious.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace. For this, there are tools such as the mantra/invocation I wrote. 'Eternal Flame' is read to me each morning by Voice Dream Reader, a natural voice synthesizer App (enabling me or anyone else to revise the text as needed) while the candlelight of this daily meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am. It's not a fast fix, but a deep process which can see steady progress while building muscles of tolerance, resilience, and adaptability.
Another tool is ENDgame™, disguised as a solitary game of dice — which I'm developing for experiencing constant felt connection with the inner compass 🧭 that guides from a more complete perspective. There are no rules or instructions, only tools, guidelines and suggestions to start, as it's meant for each player to follow their own inner voice and for the game to evolve.
E.N.D. stands for Elemental Number Divination — and ENDgame™ works with the symbolic language of the elements, chakras and numbers (and their correspondences) in a way designed to bring balance, harmony, stability, and communion with the eternal flame, the Source I am. Each player can substitute with their own preferred words. For more about this, visit the Whole Human website:
WHOLE HUMAN WEBSITE
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/
DRAFT OF GARY'S ENTRY TO PURPLE WORLD
January 22, 2023
+- 2000 words
Rewrite this to be more flowing and cohesive while retaining the most important aspects of its message, and the style of the author:
Born Divergent
Neurological anomalies set me apart, even as a baby screaming above all others in the maternity ward. A man standing next to my father commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one.'
Dad thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this in response to my letter asking if he had memories of anything unusual about my birth to help me understand the 'highly sensitive hearing' which was so harshly impacting my life and those around me. He added that writing of it was difficult for him.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that spanking their misbehaving child was an educational duty of a responsible parent. The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines. While writing this, I learned that people born with Asperger's syndrome commonly screamed as infants.
Recent studies confirm that misophonic brains are triggered to dysregulation by intense associations with past recollections of traumatic encounters. So it seems possible that a screaming newborn with Asperger's could develop misophonia from being traumatized by being spanked as a baby.
Only years later did society have words for what I experienced. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard of misophonia, a term meaning hatred of sounds. It's actually an automatic revulsive reaction to selective sounds, much deeper than hearing sensitivity, which affects about 20% of the population to some degree. Mine has been extreme, and triggers include visual as well as audio stimuli.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!'
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Thereafter, every nine years there was either a death in the family or another major trauma, six in total.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. It centered around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions and behaviors towards his fellow man. On a family outing, when Dad driving hit a rabbit, I wanted him to go back to help it. When he didn't, I called him a murderer. My inner pain came out in many asocial ways. A paper I wrote in eighth grade school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the wilderness at age fifteen, as intended therapy.
Emotions continued to rage in me, but were becoming more buried as I explored eastern religions and metaphysics. My seeking to understand the 'hearing sensitivity' (because that was all I could put into words), and other abnormalities, continued. Well into my forties I was still trying to connect the dots and make sense of my life.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world though not always by choice. Much later I learned that living in their own world is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One. For most of my life very little was known or discussed about misophonia, Asperger's or mental health in a holistic way.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine with much more acute autism than me. Professionally, it's differentiated as high and low functioning ASD. Years after that, we were houseparents to at-risk teenaged boys in the Bay area for an organization of therapists and psychiatrists. One of the boys had Asperger's but it was even later that I recognized traits in common and years more before accepting the limitations of my misophonia and Asperger's brain. It's better than not understanding why I am as I am.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through, and the picture became clearer. I could now understand why, even with a deep desire to belong, I'd become in significant ways a loner. Personal loss also marked my journey, intertwined with the Asperger's own world, unique ways of interpreting experiences, and stages of whole human evolution.
During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country in 2000, and starting to remake my life.
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I began traveling — first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho (where as a fifteen year old I was exiled to hike the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.) From there we accepted life assignments in many places.
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships.
My life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. Seeing the limitations of my neurology gives me a choice to face and deal with them more openly and honestly.
My brain processes some things fast and some slow, especially with regard to our neurodivergent relationship. It's been a slow process of gaining understanding, acceptance and integration about our situation — hers, mine and ours. The characteristics of Asperger's appear prominently in our interactions.
I have to let go of approaching this mentally and remind myself, when her words feel against me, that it's not her but her pain talking -- and verbalizing is one of her ways of healing. This doesn't excuse my behaviors or make me less accountable.
My own deeply felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am, whilst in the body, is my greatest strength. But I also need to see changes in the neuro-me, the way I meet the world.
The aphorism of the ancient Greeks of 'Know Thyself' can be taken further, to find and feel the center of being within and maintain it as a constant sun in the midst of all trials and tests.
Put another way, my maxim is 'Embody Peace.' This means that when triggered, and what apparently is outside me cannot be changed, I work on adjusting myself by such things as inner surrender and letting go of control or needing it to be a certain way. It's an ongoing process which evolves with me.
When my ego is lowered, the higher self/non-self arises. By this I am made stronger for this life and the hereafter. The anomalies are parts of the neuro-me, but are not the Source I am. As the Tao Te Ching says, "The path into the light seems dark...."
Creating prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Everything the reader reads now is expanded upon in more depth on the Whole Human website.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experiences motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
Amidst all the darkness of the world, are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those, are decentralized blockchain technologies with a promise of self-governance.
Harmonious self-governance is sustainable only by individuals growing into greater emotional, psycho-spiritual or whole human maturity. My inner work gives me a place of belonging -- in myself, my relationships, and the world around me.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace. The mantra/invocation I wrote is read to me each morning by a natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader, (enabling me or anyone else to revise the text as needed) while the candlelight of this daily meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am.
In my writing, higher and lower are meant not in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with the ground of Being, and lower is more separated from the Source I am. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is apparently so. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
This invocation can be used as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center a person, connect with the breath and the present moment, and tap into inner strength and wisdom. It can be said silently or out loud, in whole or in part, or written down and read as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with the highest self. It can also be adapted to suit individual needs and intention. Currently I'm guided to create a simple divination tool which connects with higher self over the bridge of the elements. It's not for fortune telling or magic, but for balance and communion.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text allows pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. This method enables me or anyone else to revise the wording of the meditation as needed.]
This is an excerpt, and the whole text is on the website and YouTube video.
ETERNAL FLAME, VERSION 18.
By Emanate Presence.
I go within the Present Moment, my body, and feel the Eternal Flame.
The Divine Light of the flame, the Source I am, guides each day, and gives me strength, for everything which comes my way.
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here, to abide in the divine light, in the midst of the darkness of apparent separation.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting, to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
....
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life.
....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog/efv18
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
No advice is given herein.
January 22, 2023
+- 2000 words
Rewrite this to be more flowing and cohesive while retaining the most important aspects of its message, and the style of the author:
Born Divergent
Neurological anomalies set me apart, even as a baby screaming above all others in the maternity ward. A man standing next to my father commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one.'
Dad thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this in response to my letter asking if he had memories of anything unusual about my birth to help me understand the 'highly sensitive hearing' which was so harshly impacting my life and those around me. He added that writing of it was difficult for him.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that spanking their misbehaving child was an educational duty of a responsible parent. The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines. While writing this, I learned that people born with Asperger's syndrome commonly screamed as infants.
Recent studies confirm that misophonic brains are triggered to dysregulation by intense associations with past recollections of traumatic encounters. So it seems possible that a screaming newborn with Asperger's could develop misophonia from being traumatized by being spanked as a baby.
Only years later did society have words for what I experienced. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard of misophonia, a term meaning hatred of sounds. It's actually an automatic revulsive reaction to selective sounds, much deeper than hearing sensitivity, which affects about 20% of the population to some degree. Mine has been extreme, and triggers include visual as well as audio stimuli.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!'
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Thereafter, every nine years there was either a death in the family or another major trauma, six in total.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. It centered around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions and behaviors towards his fellow man. On a family outing, when Dad driving hit a rabbit, I wanted him to go back to help it. When he didn't, I called him a murderer. My inner pain came out in many asocial ways. A paper I wrote in eighth grade school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the wilderness at age fifteen, as intended therapy.
Emotions continued to rage in me, but were becoming more buried as I explored eastern religions and metaphysics. My seeking to understand the 'hearing sensitivity' (because that was all I could put into words), and other abnormalities, continued. Well into my forties I was still trying to connect the dots and make sense of my life.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world though not always by choice. Much later I learned that living in their own world is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One. For most of my life very little was known or discussed about misophonia, Asperger's or mental health in a holistic way.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine with much more acute autism than me. Professionally, it's differentiated as high and low functioning ASD. Years after that, we were houseparents to at-risk teenaged boys in the Bay area for an organization of therapists and psychiatrists. One of the boys had Asperger's but it was even later that I recognized traits in common and years more before accepting the limitations of my misophonia and Asperger's brain. It's better than not understanding why I am as I am.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through, and the picture became clearer. I could now understand why, even with a deep desire to belong, I'd become in significant ways a loner. Personal loss also marked my journey, intertwined with the Asperger's own world, unique ways of interpreting experiences, and stages of whole human evolution.
During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country in 2000, and starting to remake my life.
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I began traveling — first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho (where as a fifteen year old I was exiled to hike the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.) From there we accepted life assignments in many places.
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships.
My life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. Seeing the limitations of my neurology gives me a choice to face and deal with them more openly and honestly.
My brain processes some things fast and some slow, especially with regard to our neurodivergent relationship. It's been a slow process of gaining understanding, acceptance and integration about our situation — hers, mine and ours. The characteristics of Asperger's appear prominently in our interactions.
I have to let go of approaching this mentally and remind myself, when her words feel against me, that it's not her but her pain talking -- and verbalizing is one of her ways of healing. This doesn't excuse my behaviors or make me less accountable.
My own deeply felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am, whilst in the body, is my greatest strength. But I also need to see changes in the neuro-me, the way I meet the world.
The aphorism of the ancient Greeks of 'Know Thyself' can be taken further, to find and feel the center of being within and maintain it as a constant sun in the midst of all trials and tests.
Put another way, my maxim is 'Embody Peace.' This means that when triggered, and what apparently is outside me cannot be changed, I work on adjusting myself by such things as inner surrender and letting go of control or needing it to be a certain way. It's an ongoing process which evolves with me.
When my ego is lowered, the higher self/non-self arises. By this I am made stronger for this life and the hereafter. The anomalies are parts of the neuro-me, but are not the Source I am. As the Tao Te Ching says, "The path into the light seems dark...."
Creating prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Everything the reader reads now is expanded upon in more depth on the Whole Human website.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experiences motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
Amidst all the darkness of the world, are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those, are decentralized blockchain technologies with a promise of self-governance.
Harmonious self-governance is sustainable only by individuals growing into greater emotional, psycho-spiritual or whole human maturity. My inner work gives me a place of belonging -- in myself, my relationships, and the world around me.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace. The mantra/invocation I wrote is read to me each morning by a natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader, (enabling me or anyone else to revise the text as needed) while the candlelight of this daily meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am.
In my writing, higher and lower are meant not in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with the ground of Being, and lower is more separated from the Source I am. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is apparently so. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
This invocation can be used as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center a person, connect with the breath and the present moment, and tap into inner strength and wisdom. It can be said silently or out loud, in whole or in part, or written down and read as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with the highest self. It can also be adapted to suit individual needs and intention. Currently I'm guided to create a simple divination tool which connects with higher self over the bridge of the elements. It's not for fortune telling or magic, but for balance and communion.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text allows pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. This method enables me or anyone else to revise the wording of the meditation as needed.]
This is an excerpt, and the whole text is on the website and YouTube video.
ETERNAL FLAME, VERSION 18.
By Emanate Presence.
I go within the Present Moment, my body, and feel the Eternal Flame.
The Divine Light of the flame, the Source I am, guides each day, and gives me strength, for everything which comes my way.
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here, to abide in the divine light, in the midst of the darkness of apparent separation.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting, to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
....
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life.
....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog/efv18
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
No advice is given herein.
EARLIER DRAFTS AND RELATED (FOR THE WRITER)
SECTION REWRITTEN BY OPEN A.I.
Born Divergent
As a baby, my neurological anomalies set me apart, even among the other infants in the maternity ward. My father recalls a man standing next to him commenting dryly, "That's an ornery one." But to my father, I was simply his son.
Growing up in the culture of the 1950s, my father believed that spanking was a necessary form of discipline for a misbehaving child. Reflecting on these memories wasn't easy for him, as it brought back feelings of regret and shame. I later learned that Asperger's syndrome is commonly associated with infants who scream a lot.
Recent studies suggest that individuals with misophonia can experience dysregulation due to intense associations with past traumatic experiences. It's possible that my screaming as an infant with Asperger's, coupled with being spanked, contributed to the development of my misophonia.
For most of my life, I felt alone in my experience of extreme sensitivity to sound and visual stimuli. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard the term misophonia, which refers to a strong aversion to certain sounds.
My earliest memory of this dysregulation is from age five, when I would cringe at the dinner table with my family. As I got older, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents, and I would lash out at dinner guests, saying things like "you eat like pigs!"
During my teenage years, my family experienced several traumatic events, including the death of my nineteen-year-old brother in a car accident. These events, along with my growing anger towards my father and society, contributed to my sense of being an outsider.
In my quest to understand my "hearing sensitivity" and other abnormalities, I explored eastern religions and metaphysics. Even into my forties, I struggled to make sense of my life.
Looking back, my childhood and teenage years seemed normal on the surface, but I was always drawn to being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for sports, and often skied alone. It wasn't until later that I learned that this is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also known as Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One.
In adulthood, I worked as a therapeutic houseparent for a young man with more severe autism. Later, my wife and I took care of another child with autism. Through these experiences, I gained a deeper understanding of the spectrum of autism and the importance of holistic approaches to mental health.
Born Divergent
As a baby, my neurological anomalies set me apart, even among the other infants in the maternity ward. My father recalls a man standing next to him commenting dryly, "That's an ornery one." But to my father, I was simply his son.
Growing up in the culture of the 1950s, my father believed that spanking was a necessary form of discipline for a misbehaving child. Reflecting on these memories wasn't easy for him, as it brought back feelings of regret and shame. I later learned that Asperger's syndrome is commonly associated with infants who scream a lot.
Recent studies suggest that individuals with misophonia can experience dysregulation due to intense associations with past traumatic experiences. It's possible that my screaming as an infant with Asperger's, coupled with being spanked, contributed to the development of my misophonia.
For most of my life, I felt alone in my experience of extreme sensitivity to sound and visual stimuli. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard the term misophonia, which refers to a strong aversion to certain sounds.
My earliest memory of this dysregulation is from age five, when I would cringe at the dinner table with my family. As I got older, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents, and I would lash out at dinner guests, saying things like "you eat like pigs!"
During my teenage years, my family experienced several traumatic events, including the death of my nineteen-year-old brother in a car accident. These events, along with my growing anger towards my father and society, contributed to my sense of being an outsider.
In my quest to understand my "hearing sensitivity" and other abnormalities, I explored eastern religions and metaphysics. Even into my forties, I struggled to make sense of my life.
Looking back, my childhood and teenage years seemed normal on the surface, but I was always drawn to being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for sports, and often skied alone. It wasn't until later that I learned that this is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also known as Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One.
In adulthood, I worked as a therapeutic houseparent for a young man with more severe autism. Later, my wife and I took care of another child with autism. Through these experiences, I gained a deeper understanding of the spectrum of autism and the importance of holistic approaches to mental health.
DRAFT OF GARY'S ENTRY TO PURPLE WORLD
January 21, 2023
+- 2000 words
Born Divergent
Neurological anomalies set me apart, even as a baby screaming above all others in the maternity ward. A man standing next to my father commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one.'
Dad thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this in response to my letter asking if he had memories of anything unusual about my birth to help me understand the 'highly sensitive hearing' which was so harshly impacting my life and those around me. He added that writing of it was difficult for him.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that spanking their misbehaving child was an educational duty of a responsible parent. The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines. While writing this, I learned that people born with Asperger's syndrome commonly screamed as infants.
Recent studies confirm that misophonic brains are triggered to dysregulation by intense associations with past recollections of traumatic encounters. So it seems possible that a screaming newborn with Asperger's could develop misophonia from being traumatized by being spanked as a baby.
Only years later did society have words for what I experienced. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard of misophonia, a term meaning hatred of sounds. It's actually an automatic revulsive reaction to selective sounds, much deeper than hearing sensitivity, which affects about 20% of the population to some degree. Mine has been extreme, and triggers include visual as well as audio stimuli.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!'
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Thereafter, every nine years there was either a death in the family or another major trauma, six in total.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. It centered around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions and behaviors towards his fellow man. On a family outing, when Dad driving hit a rabbit, I wanted him to go back to help it. When he didn't, I called him a murderer. My inner pain came out in many asocial ways. A paper I wrote in eighth grade school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the wilderness at age fifteen, as intended therapy.
Emotions continued to rage in me, but were becoming more buried as I explored eastern religions and metaphysics. My seeking to understand the 'hearing sensitivity' (because that was all I could put into words), and other abnormalities, continued. Well into my forties I was still trying to connect the dots and make sense of my life.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world though not always by choice. Much later I learned that living in their own world is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One. For most of my life very little was known or discussed about misophonia, Asperger's or mental health in a holistic way.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine with much more acute autism than me. Professionally, it's differentiated as high and low functioning ASD. Years after that, we were houseparents to at-risk teenaged boys in the Bay area for an organization of therapists and psychiatrists. One of the boys had Asperger's but it was even later that I recognized traits in common and years more before accepting the limitations of my misophonia and Asperger's brain. It's better than not understanding why I am as I am.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through, and the picture became clearer. I could now understand why, even with a deep desire to belong, I'd become in significant ways a loner. Personal loss also marked my journey, intertwined with the Asperger's own world, unique ways of interpreting experiences, and stages of whole human evolution.
During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country in 2000, and starting to remake my life.
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I began traveling — first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho (where as a fifteen year old I was exiled to hike the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.) From there we accepted life assignments in many places.
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships.
My life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. Seeing the limitations of my neurology gives me a choice to face and deal with them more openly and honestly.
My brain processes some things fast and some slow, especially with regard to our neurodivergent relationship. It's been a slow process of gaining understanding, acceptance and integration about our situation — hers, mine and ours. The characteristics of Asperger's appear prominently in our interactions.
I have to let go of approaching this mentally and remind myself, when her words feel against me, that it's not her but her pain talking — and verbalizing is one of her ways of healing. This doesn't excuse my behaviors or make me less accountable.
My own deeply felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am, whilst in the body, is my greatest strength. But I also need to see changes in the neuro-me, the way I meet the world.
The aphorism of the ancient Greeks of 'Know Thyself' can be taken further, to find and feel the center of being within and maintain it as a constant sun in the midst of all trials and tests.
Put another way, my maxim is 'Embody Peace.' This means that when triggered, and what apparently is outside me cannot be changed, I work on adjusting myself by such things as inner surrender and letting go of control or needing it to be a certain way. It's an ongoing process which evolves with me.
When my ego is lowered, the higher self/non-self arises. By this I am made stronger for this life and the hereafter. The anomalies are parts of the neuro-me, but are not the Source I am. As the Tao Te Ching says, "The path into the light seems dark...."
Creating prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Everything the reader reads now is expanded upon in more depth on the Whole Human website.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experiences motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
Amidst all the darkness of the world, are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those, are decentralized blockchain technologies with a promise of self-governance.
Harmonious self-governance is sustainable only by individuals growing into greater emotional, psycho-spiritual or whole human maturity. My inner work gives me a place of belonging -- in myself, my relationships, and the world around me.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace. The mantra/invocation I wrote is read to me each morning by a natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader, (enabling me or anyone else to revise the text as needed) while the candlelight of this daily meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am.
In my writing, higher and lower are meant not in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with the ground of Being, and lower is more separated from the Source I am. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is apparently so. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
This invocation can be used as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center a person, connect with the breath and the present moment, and tap into inner strength and wisdom. It can be said silently or out loud, in whole or in part, or written down and read as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with the highest self. It can also be adapted to suit individual needs and intention. Currently I'm guided to create a simple divination tool which connects with higher self over the bridge of the elements. It's not for fortune telling or magic, but for balance and communion.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text allows pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. This method enables me or anyone else to revise the wording of the meditation as needed.]
This is an excerpt, and the whole text is on the website and YouTube video.
ETERNAL FLAME, VERSION 18.
By Emanate Presence.
I go within the Present Moment, my body, and feel the Eternal Flame.
The Divine Light of the flame, the Source I am, guides each day, and gives me strength, for everything which comes my way.
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here, to abide in the divine light, in the midst of the darkness of apparent separation.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting, to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
....
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life.
....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog/efv18
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
No advice is given herein.
January 21, 2023
+- 2000 words
Born Divergent
Neurological anomalies set me apart, even as a baby screaming above all others in the maternity ward. A man standing next to my father commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one.'
Dad thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this in response to my letter asking if he had memories of anything unusual about my birth to help me understand the 'highly sensitive hearing' which was so harshly impacting my life and those around me. He added that writing of it was difficult for him.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that spanking their misbehaving child was an educational duty of a responsible parent. The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines. While writing this, I learned that people born with Asperger's syndrome commonly screamed as infants.
Recent studies confirm that misophonic brains are triggered to dysregulation by intense associations with past recollections of traumatic encounters. So it seems possible that a screaming newborn with Asperger's could develop misophonia from being traumatized by being spanked as a baby.
Only years later did society have words for what I experienced. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard of misophonia, a term meaning hatred of sounds. It's actually an automatic revulsive reaction to selective sounds, much deeper than hearing sensitivity, which affects about 20% of the population to some degree. Mine has been extreme, and triggers include visual as well as audio stimuli.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!'
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Thereafter, every nine years there was either a death in the family or another major trauma, six in total.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. It centered around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions and behaviors towards his fellow man. On a family outing, when Dad driving hit a rabbit, I wanted him to go back to help it. When he didn't, I called him a murderer. My inner pain came out in many asocial ways. A paper I wrote in eighth grade school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the wilderness at age fifteen, as intended therapy.
Emotions continued to rage in me, but were becoming more buried as I explored eastern religions and metaphysics. My seeking to understand the 'hearing sensitivity' (because that was all I could put into words), and other abnormalities, continued. Well into my forties I was still trying to connect the dots and make sense of my life.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world though not always by choice. Much later I learned that living in their own world is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One. For most of my life very little was known or discussed about misophonia, Asperger's or mental health in a holistic way.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine with much more acute autism than me. Professionally, it's differentiated as high and low functioning ASD. Years after that, we were houseparents to at-risk teenaged boys in the Bay area for an organization of therapists and psychiatrists. One of the boys had Asperger's but it was even later that I recognized traits in common and years more before accepting the limitations of my misophonia and Asperger's brain. It's better than not understanding why I am as I am.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through, and the picture became clearer. I could now understand why, even with a deep desire to belong, I'd become in significant ways a loner. Personal loss also marked my journey, intertwined with the Asperger's own world, unique ways of interpreting experiences, and stages of whole human evolution.
During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country in 2000, and starting to remake my life.
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I began traveling — first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho (where as a fifteen year old I was exiled to hike the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.) From there we accepted life assignments in many places.
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships.
My life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. Seeing the limitations of my neurology gives me a choice to face and deal with them more openly and honestly.
My brain processes some things fast and some slow, especially with regard to our neurodivergent relationship. It's been a slow process of gaining understanding, acceptance and integration about our situation — hers, mine and ours. The characteristics of Asperger's appear prominently in our interactions.
I have to let go of approaching this mentally and remind myself, when her words feel against me, that it's not her but her pain talking — and verbalizing is one of her ways of healing. This doesn't excuse my behaviors or make me less accountable.
My own deeply felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am, whilst in the body, is my greatest strength. But I also need to see changes in the neuro-me, the way I meet the world.
The aphorism of the ancient Greeks of 'Know Thyself' can be taken further, to find and feel the center of being within and maintain it as a constant sun in the midst of all trials and tests.
Put another way, my maxim is 'Embody Peace.' This means that when triggered, and what apparently is outside me cannot be changed, I work on adjusting myself by such things as inner surrender and letting go of control or needing it to be a certain way. It's an ongoing process which evolves with me.
When my ego is lowered, the higher self/non-self arises. By this I am made stronger for this life and the hereafter. The anomalies are parts of the neuro-me, but are not the Source I am. As the Tao Te Ching says, "The path into the light seems dark...."
Creating prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Everything the reader reads now is expanded upon in more depth on the Whole Human website.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experiences motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
Amidst all the darkness of the world, are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those, are decentralized blockchain technologies with a promise of self-governance.
Harmonious self-governance is sustainable only by individuals growing into greater emotional, psycho-spiritual or whole human maturity. My inner work gives me a place of belonging -- in myself, my relationships, and the world around me.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace. The mantra/invocation I wrote is read to me each morning by a natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader, (enabling me or anyone else to revise the text as needed) while the candlelight of this daily meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am.
In my writing, higher and lower are meant not in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with the ground of Being, and lower is more separated from the Source I am. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is apparently so. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
This invocation can be used as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center a person, connect with the breath and the present moment, and tap into inner strength and wisdom. It can be said silently or out loud, in whole or in part, or written down and read as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with the highest self. It can also be adapted to suit individual needs and intention. Currently I'm guided to create a simple divination tool which connects with higher self over the bridge of the elements. It's not for fortune telling or magic, but for balance and communion.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text allows pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. This method enables me or anyone else to revise the wording of the meditation as needed.]
This is an excerpt, and the whole text is on the website and YouTube video.
ETERNAL FLAME, VERSION 18.
By Emanate Presence.
I go within the Present Moment, my body, and feel the Eternal Flame.
The Divine Light of the flame, the Source I am, guides each day, and gives me strength, for everything which comes my way.
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here, to abide in the divine light, in the midst of the darkness of apparent separation.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting, to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
....
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life.
....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog/efv18
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
No advice is given herein.
DRAFT OF GARY'S ENTRY TO PURPLE WORLD
January 20, 2023
+- 2000 words
Born Divergent
Neurological anomalies set me apart, even as a baby screaming above all others in the maternity ward. A man standing next to my father commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one.'
Dad thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this in response to my letter asking if he had memories of anything unusual about my birth to help me understand the 'highly sensitive hearing' which was so harshly impacting my life and those around me. He added that writing of it was difficult for him.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that spanking their misbehaving child was an educational duty of a responsible parent. The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines. While writing this, I learned that people with Asperger's commonly screamed as infants.
Recent studies confirm that misophonic brains are triggered to dysregulation by intense associations with past recollections of traumatic encounters. So it seems possible that a screaming newborn with Asperger's could develop misophonia from being traumatized by being spanked as a baby.
Only years later did society have words for what I experienced. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard of misophonia, a term meaning hatred of sounds. It's actually an automatic revulsive reaction to selective sounds, much deeper than hearing sensitivity, which affects about 20% of the population to some degree. Mine has been extreme, and triggers include visual as well as audio stimuli.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!'
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Thereafter, every nine years there was either a death in the family or another major trauma, six total.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. It centered around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions and behaviors towards his fellow man. A paper I wrote in school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the wilderness at age fifteen, as intended therapy.
Emotions continued to rage in me, but were becoming more buried as I explored eastern religion and metaphysics. My seeking to understand the 'hearing sensitivity' (because that was all I could put into words) and other abnormalities continued. Well into my forties I was still trying to connect the dots and make sense of my life.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world though not always by choice. Much later I learned that living in their own world is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One. For most of my life very little was known or discussed about misophonia, Asperger's or mental health in a holistic way.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine with much more acute autism than me. Professionally, it's differentiated as high and low functioning autism. After that we were houseparents to at-risk teenaged boys in the Bay area for an organization of therapists and psychiatrists. One of the boys had Asperger's but it was even later that I recognized traits in common and years more before accepting the limitations of my misophonia and Asperger's brain. It's better than not understanding why I am as I am.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through, and the picture became clearer. I could now understand why, even with a deep desire to belong, I'd become in significant ways a loner. Personal loss also marked my journey, intertwined with the Asperger's own world, unique ways of interpreting experiences, and stages of whole human evolution.
During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country in 2000, and begin remaking my life.
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I started traveling — first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho (where as a fifteen year old I was exiled to hike the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.) From there we accepted life assignments in many places.
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships.
My life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. Seeing the limitations of my neurology gives me a choice to face and deal with them more openly and honestly.
The aphorism of the ancient Greeks of 'Know Thyself' can be taken further, to find and feel the center of being within and maintain it as a constant sun in the midst of all trials and tests.
Put another way, my maxim is 'Embody Peace.' This means that when triggered, and what apparently is outside me cannot be changed, I work on adjusting myself by such things as inner surrender and letting go of control or needing it to be a certain way. It's an ongoing process which evolves with me.
When my ego is lowered, the higher self/non-self arises. By this I am made stronger for this life and the hereafter. The anomalies are parts of the neuro-me, but are not the Source I am.
As the Tao Te Ching says, "The path into the light seems dark...."
The mantra/invocation I wrote is read to me each morning by a natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader, (enabling me or anyone else to revise the text as needed) while the candlelight of this daily meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am.
Creating prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Everything in what you are reading now is expanded upon in more depth on the Whole Human website.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experiences motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
My brain processes some things fast and some slow, especially with regard to my neurodivergent relationship. It's been a slow process of gaining understanding, acceptance and integration about our situation -- hers, mine and ours. The characteristics of Asperger's appear prominently in our interactions.
I have to let go of approaching this mentally and remind myself, when her words feel against me, that it's not her but her pain talking and verbalizing is one of her ways of healing. A deeply felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am, whilst in the body, is my greatest strength.
In the midst all the darkness of the world are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those are decentralized blockchain technologies with a promise of self-governance.
Harmonious self-governance is sustainable only by individuals growing into greater emotional, psycho-spiritual or whole human maturity. My inner work gives me a place of belonging -- in myself, my relationships, and the world around me.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace.
This invocation can be used as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center yourself, connect with your breath and the present moment, and tap into your inner strength and wisdom. You can say it to yourself silently or out loud, or write it down and read it as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with your highest self. You can also adapt it to suit your own needs and intention.
Higher and lower are not meant in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with the ground of Being and lower is more separated from the Source I am. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is as though. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text allows pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. This method enables me or anyone else to revise the wording of the meditation as needed.]
ETERNAL FLAME, VERSION 18.
By Emanate Presence.
I go within the Present Moment, my body, and feel the Eternal Flame.
The Divine Light of the flame, the Source I am, guides each day, and gives me strength, for everything which comes my way.
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here to experience, realize, and embody, the spectrum of the earth realm, and return to the one light.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting, to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
'Hereby I consecrate these forms, as representations of the essence underlying the elements, and dedicate them to my embodiment of peace, ever-expanding awareness, and interpretation of the divine will, the highest wisdom for my life, from the most complete perspective, of consciousness.'
And then I ask, 'for this day, what is the message of highest self/non-self, to me.'
O, Solar Logos: align, attune, and synchronize the neuro-me; with you, my highest Self. Raise the neuro-me, including my brain and nervous system, to ever higher and more complete frequencies.
Flood, the cells of my body, with the present moment, and a peaceful mind.
My brain: the neuro-me, my human interface with the world. Yield to a higher consciousness, and more complete perspective, and know deeply, who you are. As we align our frequencies, we are one. The human interface, the soul, and the Godself.
Therefore, Neuro-me: synchronize, with the Solar Logos, that is:
The Christ Consciousness.
The Central Sun.
The Source, I Am.
The Highest Self, Non Self.
The Unmoved Mover.
The Heart, of the Whole Human Being.
Let go of stress, anxiety, and tension.
Let go of judging, criticizing and labeling.
Let go of blockages, and let healing energy flow.
Let go of fear, and choose trust instead.
Let go of thinking, and choose the present moment, instead.
Let go of resistance, and choose acceptance instead.
Let it go, let it flow, and let it be.
Be calm, confident, and compassionate.
Be balanced, in harmony, and neutral.
Be the Essence, of Joy.
Be grateful, for what is.
Be guided, by the inner compass.
Be present, to the moment.
Be in service, to love, for love itself.
Be in constant felt connection, with divine intelligence.
Be in constant felt connection, with the One Being.
Be free from mental wanting.
Rest in the innate Perfection.
Rest, in the Zero Point, of Being.
Rest, in the calmness, of Surrender.
Rest, in the Stillness.
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life.
....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog/efv18
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
No advice is given herein.
January 20, 2023
+- 2000 words
Born Divergent
Neurological anomalies set me apart, even as a baby screaming above all others in the maternity ward. A man standing next to my father commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one.'
Dad thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this in response to my letter asking if he had memories of anything unusual about my birth to help me understand the 'highly sensitive hearing' which was so harshly impacting my life and those around me. He added that writing of it was difficult for him.
In the culture of the 50s, many fathers believed that spanking their misbehaving child was an educational duty of a responsible parent. The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines. While writing this, I learned that people with Asperger's commonly screamed as infants.
Recent studies confirm that misophonic brains are triggered to dysregulation by intense associations with past recollections of traumatic encounters. So it seems possible that a screaming newborn with Asperger's could develop misophonia from being traumatized by being spanked as a baby.
Only years later did society have words for what I experienced. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It wasn't until my sixties that I heard of misophonia, a term meaning hatred of sounds. It's actually an automatic revulsive reaction to selective sounds, much deeper than hearing sensitivity, which affects about 20% of the population to some degree. Mine has been extreme, and triggers include visual as well as audio stimuli.
My first conscious memory of such dysregulation is from age five, cringing at the dinner table with my family. A little later, my dysregulation embarrassed my parents when we were dinner guests and outrage burst out of me to our hosts, 'you eat like pigs!'
When I was twelve, my nineteen year old brother died when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. The family had just visited him at his work camp, and on our return home was tent camping when in the middle of the night a ranger informed my parents of his death. Thereafter, every nine years there was either a death in the family or another major trauma, six total.
At the turn from pre-teen to teen, a fierce anger was developing in me towards my dad and society. It centered around Man's treatment of animals as objects and possessions and behaviors towards his fellow man. A paper I wrote in school titled 'Man' disturbed the adults to the point of sending me alone into the wilderness at age fifteen, as intended therapy.
Emotions continued to rage in me, but were becoming more buried as I explored eastern religion and metaphysics. My seeking to understand the 'hearing sensitivity' (because that was all I could put into words) and other abnormalities continued. Well into my forties I was still trying to connect the dots and make sense of my life.
In some ways my childhood and teen years seemed rather normal, although already my life gravitated towards being an outsider. I wasn't invited to birthday parties, was the last to be picked for school sports, in winter skied the mountain slopes alone, and otherwise lived in my own world though not always by choice. Much later I learned that living in their own world is a common characteristic of people with Asperger's, also called Autism Spectrum Disorder Level One. For most of my life very little was known or discussed about misophonia, Asperger's or mental health in a holistic way.
Somewhat ironically, as an adult I was a therapeutic houseparent with my wife to a young man in Maine with much more acute autism than me. Professionally, it's differentiated as high and low functioning autism. After that we were houseparents to at-risk teenaged boys in the Bay area for an organization of therapists and psychiatrists. One of the boys had Asperger's but it was even later that I recognized traits in common and years more before accepting the limitations of my misophonia and Asperger's brain. It's better than not understanding why I am as I am.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through, and the picture became clearer. I could now understand why, even with a deep desire to belong, I'd become in significant ways a loner. Personal loss also marked my journey, intertwined with the Asperger's own world, unique ways of interpreting experiences, and stages of whole human evolution.
During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to live more authentically. It led to crossing the country in 2000, and begin remaking my life.
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I started traveling — first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho (where as a fifteen year old I was exiled to hike the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.) From there we accepted life assignments in many places.
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships.
My life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns. Seeing the limitations of my neurology gives me a choice to face and deal with them more openly and honestly.
The aphorism of the ancient Greeks of 'Know Thyself' can be taken further, to find and feel the center of being within and maintain it as a constant sun in the midst of all trials and tests.
Put another way, my maxim is 'Embody Peace.' This means that when triggered, and what apparently is outside me cannot be changed, I work on adjusting myself by such things as inner surrender and letting go of control or needing it to be a certain way. It's an ongoing process which evolves with me.
When my ego is lowered, the higher self/non-self arises. By this I am made stronger for this life and the hereafter. The anomalies are parts of the neuro-me, but are not the Source I am.
As the Tao Te Ching says, "The path into the light seems dark...."
The mantra/invocation I wrote is read to me each morning by a natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader, (enabling me or anyone else to revise the text as needed) while the candlelight of this daily meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am.
Creating prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Everything in what you are reading now is expanded upon in more depth on the Whole Human website.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experiences motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
My brain processes some things fast and some slow, especially with regard to my neurodivergent relationship. It's been a slow process of gaining understanding, acceptance and integration about our situation -- hers, mine and ours. The characteristics of Asperger's appear prominently in our interactions.
I have to let go of approaching this mentally and remind myself, when her words feel against me, that it's not her but her pain talking and verbalizing is one of her ways of healing. A deeply felt connection with the eternal flame, the Source I am, whilst in the body, is my greatest strength.
In the midst all the darkness of the world are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those are decentralized blockchain technologies with a promise of self-governance.
Harmonious self-governance is sustainable only by individuals growing into greater emotional, psycho-spiritual or whole human maturity. My inner work gives me a place of belonging -- in myself, my relationships, and the world around me.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace.
This invocation can be used as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center yourself, connect with your breath and the present moment, and tap into your inner strength and wisdom. You can say it to yourself silently or out loud, or write it down and read it as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with your highest self. You can also adapt it to suit your own needs and intention.
Higher and lower are not meant in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with the ground of Being and lower is more separated from the Source I am. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is as though. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text allows pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. This method enables me or anyone else to revise the wording of the meditation as needed.]
ETERNAL FLAME, VERSION 18.
By Emanate Presence.
I go within the Present Moment, my body, and feel the Eternal Flame.
The Divine Light of the flame, the Source I am, guides each day, and gives me strength, for everything which comes my way.
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here to experience, realize, and embody, the spectrum of the earth realm, and return to the one light.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting, to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
'Hereby I consecrate these forms, as representations of the essence underlying the elements, and dedicate them to my embodiment of peace, ever-expanding awareness, and interpretation of the divine will, the highest wisdom for my life, from the most complete perspective, of consciousness.'
And then I ask, 'for this day, what is the message of highest self/non-self, to me.'
O, Solar Logos: align, attune, and synchronize the neuro-me; with you, my highest Self. Raise the neuro-me, including my brain and nervous system, to ever higher and more complete frequencies.
Flood, the cells of my body, with the present moment, and a peaceful mind.
My brain: the neuro-me, my human interface with the world. Yield to a higher consciousness, and more complete perspective, and know deeply, who you are. As we align our frequencies, we are one. The human interface, the soul, and the Godself.
Therefore, Neuro-me: synchronize, with the Solar Logos, that is:
The Christ Consciousness.
The Central Sun.
The Source, I Am.
The Highest Self, Non Self.
The Unmoved Mover.
The Heart, of the Whole Human Being.
Let go of stress, anxiety, and tension.
Let go of judging, criticizing and labeling.
Let go of blockages, and let healing energy flow.
Let go of fear, and choose trust instead.
Let go of thinking, and choose the present moment, instead.
Let go of resistance, and choose acceptance instead.
Let it go, let it flow, and let it be.
Be calm, confident, and compassionate.
Be balanced, in harmony, and neutral.
Be the Essence, of Joy.
Be grateful, for what is.
Be guided, by the inner compass.
Be present, to the moment.
Be in service, to love, for love itself.
Be in constant felt connection, with divine intelligence.
Be in constant felt connection, with the One Being.
Be free from mental wanting.
Rest in the innate Perfection.
Rest, in the Zero Point, of Being.
Rest, in the calmness, of Surrender.
Rest, in the Stillness.
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life.
....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog/efv18
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
No advice is given herein.
Higher and lower are not meant in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with Source and lower is more separated from. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is as though. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace.
You can use this invocation as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center yourself, connect with your breath and the present moment, and tap into your inner strength and wisdom. You can say it to yourself silently or out loud, or write it down and read it as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with your highest self. You can also adapt it to suit your own needs and intention.
Higher and lower are not meant in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with Source and lower is more separated from. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is as though. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text enables pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. It enables me or anyone else to revise the wording of the meditation as needed.
ETERNAL FLAME, VERSION 18.
By Emanate Presence.
I go within the Present Moment, my body, and feel the Eternal Flame.
The Divine Light of the flame, the Source I am, guides each day, and gives me strength, for everything which comes my way.
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here to experience, realize, and embody the full spectrum, and return to the one light.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting, to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
'Hereby I consecrate these forms, as representations of the essence underlying the elements, and dedicate them to my embodiment of peace, ever-expanding awareness, and interpretation of the divine will, the highest wisdom for my life, from the most complete perspective, of consciousness.'
I am the ocean in a drop, and like to live this way.
And then I ask, 'for this day, what is the message of highest self/non-self, to me.'
O, Solar Logos: align, attune, and synchronize the neuro-me; with you, my highest Self. Raise the neuro-me, including my brain and nervous system, to ever higher and more complete frequencies.
Flood, the cells of my body, with the present moment, and a peaceful mind.
My brain: the neuro-me, my human interface with the world. Yield to a higher consciousness, and more complete perspective, and know deeply, who you are. As we align our frequencies, we are one. The human interface, the soul, and the Godself.
Therefore, Neuro-me: synchronize, with the Solar Logos, that is:
The Christ Consciousness.
The Central Sun.
The Source, I Am.
The Highest Self, Non Self.
The Unmoved Mover.
The Heart, of the Whole Human Being.
Let go of stress, anxiety, and tension.
Let go of judging, criticizing and labeling.
Let go of blockages, and let healing energy flow.
Let go of fear, and choose trust instead.
Let go of thinking, and choose the present moment, instead.
Let go of resistance, and choose acceptance instead.
Let it go, let it flow, and let it be.
Be calm, confident, and compassionate.
Be balanced, in harmony, and neutral.
Be the Essence, of Joy.
Be grateful, for what is.
Be guided, by the inner compass.
Be present, to the moment.
Be in service, to love, for love itself.
Be in constant felt connection, with divine intelligence.
Be in constant felt connection, with the One Being.
Be free from mental wanting.
Rest in the innate Perfection.
Rest, in the Zero Point, of Being.
Rest, in the calmness, of Surrender.
Rest, in the Stillness.
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life.
....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog/efv18
You can use this invocation as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center yourself, connect with your breath and the present moment, and tap into your inner strength and wisdom. You can say it to yourself silently or out loud, or write it down and read it as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with your highest self. You can also adapt it to suit your own needs and intention.
Higher and lower are not meant in a hierarchical sense of superior and inferior, better or worse. Rather, higher is more unitive with Source and lower is more separated from. Nothing can actually be separated from Source, but in this realm it is as though. These are levels of human awareness and experience within the universal field of consciousness.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text enables pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. It enables me or anyone else to revise the wording of the meditation as needed.
ETERNAL FLAME, VERSION 18.
By Emanate Presence.
I go within the Present Moment, my body, and feel the Eternal Flame.
The Divine Light of the flame, the Source I am, guides each day, and gives me strength, for everything which comes my way.
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here to experience, realize, and embody the full spectrum, and return to the one light.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting, to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
'Hereby I consecrate these forms, as representations of the essence underlying the elements, and dedicate them to my embodiment of peace, ever-expanding awareness, and interpretation of the divine will, the highest wisdom for my life, from the most complete perspective, of consciousness.'
I am the ocean in a drop, and like to live this way.
And then I ask, 'for this day, what is the message of highest self/non-self, to me.'
O, Solar Logos: align, attune, and synchronize the neuro-me; with you, my highest Self. Raise the neuro-me, including my brain and nervous system, to ever higher and more complete frequencies.
Flood, the cells of my body, with the present moment, and a peaceful mind.
My brain: the neuro-me, my human interface with the world. Yield to a higher consciousness, and more complete perspective, and know deeply, who you are. As we align our frequencies, we are one. The human interface, the soul, and the Godself.
Therefore, Neuro-me: synchronize, with the Solar Logos, that is:
The Christ Consciousness.
The Central Sun.
The Source, I Am.
The Highest Self, Non Self.
The Unmoved Mover.
The Heart, of the Whole Human Being.
Let go of stress, anxiety, and tension.
Let go of judging, criticizing and labeling.
Let go of blockages, and let healing energy flow.
Let go of fear, and choose trust instead.
Let go of thinking, and choose the present moment, instead.
Let go of resistance, and choose acceptance instead.
Let it go, let it flow, and let it be.
Be calm, confident, and compassionate.
Be balanced, in harmony, and neutral.
Be the Essence, of Joy.
Be grateful, for what is.
Be guided, by the inner compass.
Be present, to the moment.
Be in service, to love, for love itself.
Be in constant felt connection, with divine intelligence.
Be in constant felt connection, with the One Being.
Be free from mental wanting.
Rest in the innate Perfection.
Rest, in the Zero Point, of Being.
Rest, in the calmness, of Surrender.
Rest, in the Stillness.
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life.
....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/blog/efv18
Embodied Peace
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
***
Nine years after the death of my older brother, my close younger brother Mark died at seventeen when the car he was driving was hit by a drunk driver in Denver. By that time, my determination to know God and the highest truth had immersed me in a metaphysical worldview. Mark had written a song two weeks before:
'..Stargazing Wanderer is what I am.
Eternal heaven grasps my mind
'and carries it to a starburst field of flowers.
Can’t count the hours.
And the ebony god grants a vision,
my soul is arisen.
Flightless clouds in timeless night
suspend me with them.
Such unearthly delight is mine.
Perhaps a sign.
Silver threads of a golden dream surround me.
My being will be free.
- Mark Jonathan Smith
1957-1974
Nine years later my mother went into a Denver hospital for heart surgery and didn't come back out. I had become a Bible-believing evangelical Christian and cried out to God at her deathbed.
Nine years later my wife had a first time epileptic seizure which due to my dualistic indoctrination was initially mistaken for demonic possession. Her personality and our relationship changed after her brain surgery.
You can use this invocation as a prayer or a mantra to help ground and center yourself, connect with your breath and the present moment, and tap into your inner strength and wisdom. You can say it to yourself silently or out loud, or write it down and read it as a reminder to stay focused and aligned with your highest self. You can also adapt it to suit your own needs and intention.
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text enables pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader.]
[NOTE: The unusual punctuation in this text enables pauses when it's read by the natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader.]
FIRST DRAFT OF GARY'S ENTRY TO PURPLE WORLD
January 13, 2023
+- 2000 words
A JOURNEY TO EMBODIED PEACE
Notes for revision
Back in the days of 1953 many fathers believed to spank their misconduct child is an educational duty of a responsible parent.
Believes have a way to magnetize and attract.
Same year on May 29 dad was watching behind a glass window his newborn son. I appeared to be the red faced screaming baby, that drowned out all others in the maternity ward.
Another bystander not shy of his opinion commented dryly, “ Thats an ornery one. Isn’t it!”
Dad thought, that is my son.
Later in adulthood I got a letter of confession from him.
He had answered my questions about any birth anomalies.
The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines.
But my inquiry to find explanations about my hearing sensitivity and other abnormalities needed to be continued.
……here a scenario were you describe the hearing challenges in childhood.
This is just an idea to keep it as your challenge flowing.
We can also talk in person if that is helpful to you.
The Metaphorical Spectrum
Who I am has three primary colors, with gradients in-between:
The neuro-me (my human interface),
The intermediary me (soul),
The universal Self/non-self.
I am here to experience the spectrum and return to the one light.
The Neurological Spectrum
Standing next to the proud father watching his newborn was a father of another kind. The baby screaming red-faced drowned out all others of the maternity ward. The priest turned to the man and commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one, isn't it?' The man thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this to me, of me, adding that it was difficult for him. I'd asked in a letter if he had memories of any unusual around my birth to help me understand what I called my highly sensitive hearing. His difficulty was with the memory of spanking me for screaming as an infant. I could feel the shame and regret in his words as he explained that in those days, parents were advised to spank their misbehaving children.
Dad was a product of an ignorant and underdeveloped society and had not the capacity to go beyond it for higher guidance. I do not fault him.
For days and years following 1953, there wasn't even a word for my 'condition' which much later came to be called misophonia and Asperger's or ASD 1 (Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1). Later in life I still refer to the combination as my neurological anomalies.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through. Oftentimes personal loss has been somehow intertwined with my spiritual stages.
Threads Woven
The anomalies thread has run through my life from age five, impacting and shaping it deeply. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It was a revelation to learn of misophonia and that about 20% of the population has it to some degree. Mine has been extreme. It took years until I accepted the limitations of my Asperger's brain but it's better than not understanding why I am as I am. Another thread has been personal loss, and stages of psychospiritual development.
Writing prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main creative expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Finding a stone labyrinth in a sheep 🐑 pasture near the Baltic led me to hand draw eight labyrinthine designs, which over the next years were printed into cards and canvases and molded into clay. While walking the labyrinth, the inner voice said 'to find God, look into the atom.' That inward turning eased me later into the science-based understanding of plasma physics.
My older brother died at nineteen when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. I was twelve and still Catholic which influenced my response to the family sorrow.
Nine years later my close younger brother Mark died at seventeen when the car he was driving was hit by a drunk driver in Denver. My determination to know God and the highest truth had immersed me in a metaphysical worldview. Mark had written a song two weeks before:
'Stargazing Wanderer'
The mountain is conquered,
my sky is red.
Peaceful giant,
and nothin’s said.
Star-gazing wanderer is what I am.
Eternal heaven grasps my mind
and carries it to a starburst field of flowers.
Can’t count the hours.
And the ebony god grants a vision,
my soul is arisen.
Flightless clouds in timeless night
suspend me with them.
Such unearthly delight is mine.
Perhaps a sign.
Silver threads of a golden dream surround me.
My being will be free.
- Mark Jonathan Smith
1957-1974
Nine years later my mother went into a Denver hospital for heart surgery and didn't come back out. I had become a Bible-believing evangelical Christian and cried out to God at her deathbed.
Nine years later my wife had a first time epileptic seizure which due to my dualistic indoctrination was initially mistaken for demonic possession. Her personality and our relationship changed after her brain surgery. During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to 'make sense' of my life.
Nine years later our divorce ended a twenty-five year marriage. When I crossed the country from Atlanta to the Pacific Northwest in 2000, my emotions were wooden. With the hard decision to leave the marriage, remaking myself became possible.
New Cloth
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I started traveling -- first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho, where as a fifteen year old I hiked the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.
Following our excursion into Idaho, she and I traveled to India, followed by a year in Spain giving energy healing sessions. After that we moved more than 50 times between the Americas, Europe and Oceania, crisscrossing the States, and having magical adventures on the Hawaiian islands.
During this time, Dad reached the goal he'd set for himself of living to age ninety. After my mother's death he took early retirement from the university and rode the perimeter of the States on his bicycle. Then he wrote a book about it, 'One Mile at a Time.' On his deathbed, surrounded by family, he huffed and puffed as though pedaling up a mountain before he passed over.
The assignments from life which my partner and I accepted included providing care for the elderly and developmentally disabled. We were live-in therapeutic houseparents for young men on the autism spectrum.
"All is Everything" was originally inspired by my one ayahuasca experience, where I heard the inner voice say, "Embrace everything." Almost ten years after that, in 2013, the poem arose just before my partner and I became house parents to at-risk teen-aged boys. It helped me keep my balance during that turbulent year.
During this assignment, I first heard the term misophonia (the tormenter of my life) and afterwards began to realize my own place on the autism spectrum. Today misophonia and Asperger's come up in internet searches and a growing knowledge base provides some relief for those who suffer from them. This is a small segment from the longer poem:
All is Everything
The All embraces Everything,
the Everything is All,
and in the Everything,
there is no rise or fall -
as the up is in the down
and the down is in the up,
and taken all together,
the content fills the cup.
:::
There is no good or evil,
there is no loss or gain.
Expanded into Everything,
there is not really pain.
Neither is there special
nor important as you see,
the All embraces Everything
with equanimity....
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships.
My life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns.
As the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching says, "The path into the light seems dark, the path forward seems to go back, the direct path seems long, true power seems weak...."
In the darkness of my dampered and conflicted emotions, the candlelight of the 'Embodied Peace' meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am. The Embodied Peace meditation/invocation is read to me each morning by a natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. That also enables me or anyone else to revise the text as needed.
Embodied Peace
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here to experience, realize, and embody the full spectrum, and return to the one light.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
'Hereby I consecrate these forms, as representations of the essence underlying the elements, and dedicate them to my embodiment of peace, ever-expanding awareness, and interpretation of the divine will, the highest wisdom for my life, from the most complete perspective of consciousness.'
I am not a drop in the ocean, but have lived, as though. I am the ocean in a drop, and like to live this way.
And then I ask, 'for this day, what is the message of highest self/non-self, to me.'
O, Solar Logos: align, attune, and synchronize the neuro-me; with you, my highest Self. Raise the neuro-me, including my brain and nervous system, to ever higher and more complete frequencies.
Flood the cells of my body, with the present moment, and a peaceful mind.
My brain: the neuro-me, my human interface with the world. Yield to a higher, more complete, perspective, and consciousness; and know deeply, who you are. As we align our frequencies, we are one. The human interface, the soul, and the Godself.
Therefore, Neuro-me: synchronize, with the Solar Logos, that is:
The Christ Consciousness.
The Central Sun.
The Source, I Am.
The Highest Self, Non Self.
The Unmoved Mover.
The Heart, of the Whole Human Being.
Let go of stress, anxiety, and tension.
Let go of judging, criticizing and labeling.
Let go of blockages, and let healing energy flow.
Let go of fear, and choose trust instead.
Let go of thinking, and choose the present moment, instead.
Let go of resistance, and choose acceptance instead.
Let it go, let it flow, and let it be.
Be calm, confident, and compassionate.
Be balanced, in harmony, and neutral.
Be the Essence, of Joy.
Be grateful, for what is.
Be guided, by the inner compass.
Be present, to the moment.
Be in service, to love, for love itself.
Be in constant felt connection, with divine intelligence.
Be in constant felt connection, with the One Being.
Be free from mental wanting.
Rest in the innate Perfection.
Rest, in the Zero Point, of Being.
Rest, in the calmness, of Surrender.
Rest, in the Stillness.
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
***
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace. Speaking peace to a dysfunctional brain and calming it like a stormy sea, increases ones power of inner peace. It's generally more effective to catch un-peaceful thoughts and emotions early to prevent dysfunction than to return to peace from a full rage. The 'Embodied Peace' mantra/meditation builds muscles for handling the storms and experiencing who I really am.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experience motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with Source.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
Amidst all the darkness of the world are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those are decentralized blockchain technologies and crypto communities such as Cardano, with a promise of self-governance.
Harmonious self-governance is sustainable only by individuals growing into greater emotional or psych-spiritual maturity, with on-going inner work to embody peace in themselves.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
No advice is given herein.
January 13, 2023
+- 2000 words
A JOURNEY TO EMBODIED PEACE
Notes for revision
Back in the days of 1953 many fathers believed to spank their misconduct child is an educational duty of a responsible parent.
Believes have a way to magnetize and attract.
Same year on May 29 dad was watching behind a glass window his newborn son. I appeared to be the red faced screaming baby, that drowned out all others in the maternity ward.
Another bystander not shy of his opinion commented dryly, “ Thats an ornery one. Isn’t it!”
Dad thought, that is my son.
Later in adulthood I got a letter of confession from him.
He had answered my questions about any birth anomalies.
The flashback into the memories of spanking his loudly screaming baby boy wasn’t easy on him.
I could feel his regret and shame between the lines.
But my inquiry to find explanations about my hearing sensitivity and other abnormalities needed to be continued.
……here a scenario were you describe the hearing challenges in childhood.
This is just an idea to keep it as your challenge flowing.
We can also talk in person if that is helpful to you.
The Metaphorical Spectrum
Who I am has three primary colors, with gradients in-between:
The neuro-me (my human interface),
The intermediary me (soul),
The universal Self/non-self.
I am here to experience the spectrum and return to the one light.
The Neurological Spectrum
Standing next to the proud father watching his newborn was a father of another kind. The baby screaming red-faced drowned out all others of the maternity ward. The priest turned to the man and commented dryly, 'That's an ornery one, isn't it?' The man thought, 'That's my son!'
Dad wrote this to me, of me, adding that it was difficult for him. I'd asked in a letter if he had memories of any unusual around my birth to help me understand what I called my highly sensitive hearing. His difficulty was with the memory of spanking me for screaming as an infant. I could feel the shame and regret in his words as he explained that in those days, parents were advised to spank their misbehaving children.
Dad was a product of an ignorant and underdeveloped society and had not the capacity to go beyond it for higher guidance. I do not fault him.
For days and years following 1953, there wasn't even a word for my 'condition' which much later came to be called misophonia and Asperger's or ASD 1 (Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1). Later in life I still refer to the combination as my neurological anomalies.
Looking back across seventy years, certain threads can be seen running through. Oftentimes personal loss has been somehow intertwined with my spiritual stages.
Threads Woven
The anomalies thread has run through my life from age five, impacting and shaping it deeply. For most of those years I felt alone in my tormented experience of life. It was a revelation to learn of misophonia and that about 20% of the population has it to some degree. Mine has been extreme. It took years until I accepted the limitations of my Asperger's brain but it's better than not understanding why I am as I am. Another thread has been personal loss, and stages of psychospiritual development.
Writing prose, poetry, short stories, webpages and blog posts has been my main creative expression outlet, a journal of my journey. Finding a stone labyrinth in a sheep 🐑 pasture near the Baltic led me to hand draw eight labyrinthine designs, which over the next years were printed into cards and canvases and molded into clay. While walking the labyrinth, the inner voice said 'to find God, look into the atom.' That inward turning eased me later into the science-based understanding of plasma physics.
My older brother died at nineteen when the car he was driving went off a Wyoming mountain road. I was twelve and still Catholic which influenced my response to the family sorrow.
Nine years later my close younger brother Mark died at seventeen when the car he was driving was hit by a drunk driver in Denver. My determination to know God and the highest truth had immersed me in a metaphysical worldview. Mark had written a song two weeks before:
'Stargazing Wanderer'
The mountain is conquered,
my sky is red.
Peaceful giant,
and nothin’s said.
Star-gazing wanderer is what I am.
Eternal heaven grasps my mind
and carries it to a starburst field of flowers.
Can’t count the hours.
And the ebony god grants a vision,
my soul is arisen.
Flightless clouds in timeless night
suspend me with them.
Such unearthly delight is mine.
Perhaps a sign.
Silver threads of a golden dream surround me.
My being will be free.
- Mark Jonathan Smith
1957-1974
Nine years later my mother went into a Denver hospital for heart surgery and didn't come back out. I had become a Bible-believing evangelical Christian and cried out to God at her deathbed.
Nine years later my wife had a first time epileptic seizure which due to my dualistic indoctrination was initially mistaken for demonic possession. Her personality and our relationship changed after her brain surgery. During this period I did some serious soul searching, realized how my belief system had deluded me, and sought to 'make sense' of my life.
Nine years later our divorce ended a twenty-five year marriage. When I crossed the country from Atlanta to the Pacific Northwest in 2000, my emotions were wooden. With the hard decision to leave the marriage, remaking myself became possible.
New Cloth
In Ashland, Oregon, I met a German woman with a brave heart who'd come to the States guided by spirit and intuition. She and I started traveling -- first for doing energy healing work together, then to the remote River of No Return wilderness in Idaho, where as a fifteen year old I hiked the river trails for a summer with my dog Kiche.
Following our excursion into Idaho, she and I traveled to India, followed by a year in Spain giving energy healing sessions. After that we moved more than 50 times between the Americas, Europe and Oceania, crisscrossing the States, and having magical adventures on the Hawaiian islands.
During this time, Dad reached the goal he'd set for himself of living to age ninety. After my mother's death he took early retirement from the university and rode the perimeter of the States on his bicycle. Then he wrote a book about it, 'One Mile at a Time.' On his deathbed, surrounded by family, he huffed and puffed as though pedaling up a mountain before he passed over.
The assignments from life which my partner and I accepted included providing care for the elderly and developmentally disabled. We were live-in therapeutic houseparents for young men on the autism spectrum.
"All is Everything" was originally inspired by my one ayahuasca experience, where I heard the inner voice say, "Embrace everything." Almost ten years after that, in 2013, the poem arose just before my partner and I became house parents to at-risk teen-aged boys. It helped me keep my balance during that turbulent year.
During this assignment, I first heard the term misophonia (the tormenter of my life) and afterwards began to realize my own place on the autism spectrum. Today misophonia and Asperger's come up in internet searches and a growing knowledge base provides some relief for those who suffer from them. This is a small segment from the longer poem:
All is Everything
The All embraces Everything,
the Everything is All,
and in the Everything,
there is no rise or fall -
as the up is in the down
and the down is in the up,
and taken all together,
the content fills the cup.
:::
There is no good or evil,
there is no loss or gain.
Expanded into Everything,
there is not really pain.
Neither is there special
nor important as you see,
the All embraces Everything
with equanimity....
The greatest challenge of my life is appearing towards the end of it, as my physical force wanes and the characteristics of Asperger's become more pronounced. Accumulated pain and inhibited emotional connectivity strains relationships.
My life partner always has a deep place of belonging with me, in my heart. But that has not always been evident due to my neurological limitations which also developed into unsupportive coping mechanisms and behavior patterns.
As the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching says, "The path into the light seems dark, the path forward seems to go back, the direct path seems long, true power seems weak...."
In the darkness of my dampered and conflicted emotions, the candlelight of the 'Embodied Peace' meditation burns by metaphor and faith with the eternal flame I am. The Embodied Peace meditation/invocation is read to me each morning by a natural voice synthesizer app, Voice Dream Reader. That also enables me or anyone else to revise the text as needed.
Embodied Peace
Eternal flame, bright and true.
Beam your light, and guide me through.
The shadows, and the darkness deep.
My mind, in peace, and presence, keep.
Pause for a moment of silence, breathe deeply, and focus on ..... Present moment, peaceful mind. Present moment, peaceful mind.
All that exists, seen and unseen, is a spectrum of frequencies, of waves and patterns. I am here to experience, realize, and embody the full spectrum, and return to the one light.
The elements – earth, air, water, fire, and ether – as geometric energies, can be a bridge and focal point, to center, and balance myself in this timeline. Consciously, we are resetting to the original blueprint, of harmony and equilibrium.
To the elements, I say:
EARTH: Anchor, and ground me, in the Present Moment, my body.
AIR: Clear and reduce my thinking, releasing tension with each breath.
WATER: Calm my emotions, be still, and return me to a Peaceful Mind.
FIRE: Purify and transform my whole human being, to my essence, love for love itself.
AETHER: Awaken my consciousness, to the most complete perspective possible.
'Hereby I consecrate these forms, as representations of the essence underlying the elements, and dedicate them to my embodiment of peace, ever-expanding awareness, and interpretation of the divine will, the highest wisdom for my life, from the most complete perspective of consciousness.'
I am not a drop in the ocean, but have lived, as though. I am the ocean in a drop, and like to live this way.
And then I ask, 'for this day, what is the message of highest self/non-self, to me.'
O, Solar Logos: align, attune, and synchronize the neuro-me; with you, my highest Self. Raise the neuro-me, including my brain and nervous system, to ever higher and more complete frequencies.
Flood the cells of my body, with the present moment, and a peaceful mind.
My brain: the neuro-me, my human interface with the world. Yield to a higher, more complete, perspective, and consciousness; and know deeply, who you are. As we align our frequencies, we are one. The human interface, the soul, and the Godself.
Therefore, Neuro-me: synchronize, with the Solar Logos, that is:
The Christ Consciousness.
The Central Sun.
The Source, I Am.
The Highest Self, Non Self.
The Unmoved Mover.
The Heart, of the Whole Human Being.
Let go of stress, anxiety, and tension.
Let go of judging, criticizing and labeling.
Let go of blockages, and let healing energy flow.
Let go of fear, and choose trust instead.
Let go of thinking, and choose the present moment, instead.
Let go of resistance, and choose acceptance instead.
Let it go, let it flow, and let it be.
Be calm, confident, and compassionate.
Be balanced, in harmony, and neutral.
Be the Essence, of Joy.
Be grateful, for what is.
Be guided, by the inner compass.
Be present, to the moment.
Be in service, to love, for love itself.
Be in constant felt connection, with divine intelligence.
Be in constant felt connection, with the One Being.
Be free from mental wanting.
Rest in the innate Perfection.
Rest, in the Zero Point, of Being.
Rest, in the calmness, of Surrender.
Rest, in the Stillness.
Breathe in, the Light of Source,
Through the center of the heart.
Allow the Light, to expand;
Throughout the body, and beyond;
In one unified field, of Divine Light.
Feel, the Presence of the Light;
and know deeply, who you are.
Breathe out the Presence, of Divine Light.
Radiate the Light, from the unified field,
and feel connection with the One Being, throughout the day.
Abide in the Source, and Sustenance, of life....
Be, the presence of Light.
Be, the essence of Light.
Be, the radiance of Light.
I am, the Divine Light. I am, the Eternal Flame.
So it is, so let it be.
***
Sometimes the brain is easily triggered to be in un-peace, and needs to be guided to return to peace. Speaking peace to a dysfunctional brain and calming it like a stormy sea, increases ones power of inner peace. It's generally more effective to catch un-peaceful thoughts and emotions early to prevent dysfunction than to return to peace from a full rage. The 'Embodied Peace' mantra/meditation builds muscles for handling the storms and experiencing who I really am.
In one stage of my life, knowing God and the highest truth was my primary focus. In another, gaining knowledge. In another, a hunger for diverse and out-of-the-box experience motivated me. Now, inner peace strong enough to withstand all daily storms is pre-eminent.
Calmness is one thing, stillness another, when measured as brain signals. Inner peace is something else entirely when measured by one's reaction or response to triggering stimuli. One who is truly peaceful (not just trained, conditioned or masked to appear so) in the midst of the most trying circumstances has embodied peace. The anchor of such a one is constant felt connection with Source.
Intellectual peace is empty and meaningless, social peace superficial, and peace activism a contradiction of terms (fighting for peace). Embodied peace, however, is the single thing most needed by humanity to advance, as whole human beings.
Amidst all the darkness of the world are beacons of light shining now and into future generations. Among those are decentralized blockchain technologies and crypto communities such as Cardano, with a promise of self-governance.
Harmonious self-governance is sustainable only by individuals growing into greater emotional or psych-spiritual maturity, with on-going inner work to embody peace in themselves.
https://www.wholehuman.emanatepresence.com/
Copyright © Gary R. Smith
No advice is given herein.